And the chances are if you're a girl and you have email or access to the internet you've received the following forward:
From: "Doris ____" <*******@hotmail.com>To: Date: Thu, 22 Mar 2007
23:21:15 +0000Subject: ACTUAL LETTER TO PROCTOR AND GAMBLEACTUAL LETTER TO
PROCTOR AND GAMBLE This is a letter written to one of the top executives at
Proctor and Gamble. Means a bit more to the gals than the guys.Dear Mr.
Thatcher,I have been a loyal user of your Always maxi pads for over 20 years and
I appreciate many of their features. Why, without the LeakGuard Core(tm) or
Dri-Weave(tm) absorbency, I'd probably never go horseback riding or salsa
dancing, and I'd certainly steer clear of running up and down the beach in
tight, white shorts. But my favourite feature has to be your revolutionary
Flexi-Wings. Kudos on being the only company smart enough to realize how crucial
it is that maxi pads be aerodynamic. I can't tell you how safe and secure I feel
each month knowing there's a little F-16 in my pants. Have you ever had a
menstrual period, Mr. Thatcher? Ever suffered from "the curse"? I'm guessing you
haven't. Well, my ‘time of the month’ is starting right now. As I type, I can
already feel hormonal forces violently surging through my body. Just a few
minutes from now, my body will adjust and I'll be transformed into what my
husband likes to call "an inbred hillbilly with knife skills." Isn't the human
body amazing? As Branch Manager in the Feminine-hygiene Division, you've no
doubt seen quite a bit of research on what exactly happens during your
customers' monthly visits from "Aunt Flo". Therefore, you must know about the
bloating, puffiness, and cramping we endure, and about our intense mood swings,
crying jags, and out-of-control behaviour. You surely realize it's a tough time
for most women. In fact, only last week, my friend Jennifer fought the violent
urge to shove her boyfriend's testicles into a George Foreman Grill just because
he told her he thought Grey's Anatomy was written by drunken chimps. Crazy! The
point is, sir, you of all people must realize that America is just crawling with
homicidal maniacs in Capri pants... which brings me to the reason for my
letter.Last month, while in the throes of cramping so painful I wanted to reach
inside my body and yank out my uterus, I opened an Always maxi-pad, and there,
printed on the adhesive backing, were these words: "Have a Happy Period"."Are
you f…..g kidding me?" What I mean is, does any part of your tiny middle-manager
brain really think happiness - actual smiling, laughing happiness - is possible
during a menstrual period? Did anything mentioned above sound the least bit
pleasurable? Well, did it, James? FYI, unless you're some kind of sick S&M
freak girl, there will never be anything "happy" about a day in which you have
to jack yourself up on Motrin and Kahlua and lock yourself in your house just so
you don't march down to the local Walgreen's armed with a hunting rifle and a
sketchy plan to end your life in a blaze of glory.For the love of God, pull your
head out, man! If you just have to slap a moronic message on a maxi pad,
wouldn't it make more sense to say something that's actually pertinent, like
"Put Down the Hammer" or "Vehicular Manslaughter Is Wrong", or are you just
picking on us? Sir, please inform your Accounting Department that, effective
immediately, there will be an $8 drop in monthly profits, for have chosen to
take my maxi-pad business elsewhere. And though I will certainly miss your
Flex-Wings, I will not for one minute miss your brand of condescending bullshit.
And that's a promise I will keep... Always.Best,Wendy ____ Austin TX
Thank you, Wendy, wherever you are. Everytime I get that forward it makes me smile. So I guess my issue with this one is obvious. Have a happy period? A happy period? Ummm kay, no. If by happy you mean curl into a ball and cry on the couch with half a dozen heating pads and a bottle of ibeuprofan then... yes, I will have a happy period, thank you. See, now if P&G was making some kind of ibeuprofan-period related product that magically makes your cramps vanish, then yes, I'd say go right ahead and tell us to have happy periods. Seeing as how they're making sticky pads that absorb our life fluids the happiness is null and void.
Oh but wait, I have more. Guess what P&G has had issues with in the past? Go on, it's period related. If you thought Toxic Shock Syndrome, you'd be right. We all remember those grade nine health class lectures (by our art teacher of all people) who warned you never to keep the tampon in for more than two hours because of Toxic Shock Syndrome, that permenently put me off of using the product (which is why no longer buying Always is going to prove to be interesting.)
For those of you unaware, here's some background on TSS (straight from the CDC website)
Clinical Features
Toxic shock syndrome (TSS) is characterized by sudden onset of fever, chills, vomiting, diarrhea, muscle aches and rash. It can rapidly progress to severe and intractable hypotension and multisystem dysfunction. Desquamation, particularly on the palms and soles can occur 1-2 weeks after onset of the illness.
Etiologic Agent
Usually exotoxin producing strains of Staphylococcus aureus, a bacterium.
Incidence
In the United States, annual incidence is 1-2/100,000 women 15-44 years of age (last active surveillance done in 1987).
Sequelae
5% of all cases are fatal.
Transmission
S. aureus commonly colonizes skin and mucous membranes in humans. TSS has been associated with use of tampons and intravaginal contraceptive devices in women and occurs as a complication of skin abscesses or surgery.
Risk Groups
Menstruating women, women using barrier contraceptive devices, persons who have undergone nasal surgery, and persons with postoperative staphylococcal wound
infections.
Surveillance
National surveillance is conducted through the National ElectronicTelecommunications System for Surveillance (NETSS). The last active surveillance was in 1987 in four states with a total population of 12 million.
Challenges
To describe the current epidemiology of TSS in the United States by conducting
active surveillance. To better define the risk factors of nonmenstrual TSS to
design prevention strategies.And now, from Wiki's article on P&G controversies:
Toxic shock syndrome and tampons
Toxic shock syndrome (TSS) is a disease caused by strains of the bacteria Staphylococcus aureus. Most people have these bacteria living in their bodies as harmless commensals in places such as the nose, skin, and vagina. The disease can strike anyone, not only women, but the disease is often associated with tampons. In 1980, 814 menstrual-related TSS cases were reported; 38 deaths resulted from the disease. The majority of women in these cases were documented as using super-absorbent synthetic tampons, particularly the Rely tampon created by Procter and Gamble.[20] The Rely tampon was so super-absorbent that one by itself could in fact hold one woman's entire menstrual period. Unlike other tampons made of cotton and rayon, Rely used carboxymethylcellulose and compressed beads of polyester for absorption. The materials used in Rely were causing an increase in the thickness of fluid inside the vagina, resulting in more toxins being released.
The slogan Procter and Gamble used for the product was "Rely. It even absorbs the worry."
In the summer of 1980 the Centers for Disease Control released a report explaining how these bacterial mechanisms were leading to TSS. They also stated that the Rely tampon was associated with TSS more than any other brand of tampon. In September 1980, Procter and Gamble voluntarily recalled its Rely brand of tampons from the market and agreed to provide for a program to notify consumers. Since the 1980s, reported cases of TSS have dramatically decreased[21].I think the last line is my favorite. Way to go, P&G, maybe you should just... I don't know, stop making things? Like... anything at all.
So next time someone tells you to have a 'Happy Period' tell them this, "Thanks, I will, right after I either succomb to toxic shock syndrome or kick your ass."
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