Criminal #15: Energizer "Viagra also makes it keep going and going..."

Every so often you run into one of those commercials that makes you go "Naah?" and then shift awkwardly in your seat. It's a bit like being a teenage boy and watching Juno with your mum, or so I'm led to believe from several teenage boy sources. This would be one of those ads, for me at least, mostly for the subtle suggestive ideas that arise when you really think about it.

So let's look at it shall we? (clicky clicky for a bigger piccy) So we've got to very bored little uns' a girl and a boy, observe the boys penis. A new fascination to be sure, and I'm sure tiny, probably about the size of an energizer battery.

You see the first issue I have isn't that it's two kids looking at the penis, it's the fact that this ad makes me think about just what they're thinking about. Dirty, dirty pictures in my head. Sexuality and youth are (I'd say) the two strongest weapons advertisers have on their size, and this certainly isn't the first time they've been mixed together. A few Johnson & Johnson baby ads come to mind that I'll have to hunt down later.

Next, to the more subtle elements. Okay, actually, only one. Wait no, two, but I already mentioned the battery in comparison to penis size so that ones out. Look in the top left hand corner where Energizer has slapped their name and cute little catch phrase. "Never let their toys die" Yeah, and we all know what you mean by toys, right? Some may think that's the paranoia speaking but I guarantee you that is exactly the reference these advertisers were trying to make. Don't believe me? What little toy do you see in the boy? A wand, right? One of those little light-up jobbies that you can wave around and be amused by. Why a wand? Why not a Rubix cube? A Transformer? A Gameboy? A set of blocks that can be used to teach your child letters? Hell, a teddy bear would have been just as good, oh right, but that doesn't use batteries.

Let me give you a mathematical equation to chew on

Batteries = Viagra for kids.

Energizer, I have no pithy phrase to tell you I think you're scum and whatnot. So, yeah, not going and going anymore are you? Yeah, take that.

Criminal #14: PUMA "That's...not hummas on your leg, is it?"

I've got to give props to Je at FFWA for putting it in her sig, or else I probably would have never run across it.

Yeah... This one is pretty self explanatory, isn't it?

EDIT: Self explanatory and yet, I just have to point a few things out. I get in the fashion world, somehow dressing like the traditional school girl is getting more and more... I don't know, popular? But let's take a step back for a moment an examine this for what it is. Obvious ad taking the 'sex sells' idea too far, but then with closer examination they bring up some bigger points.

Underaged sex. Might just be me but the fishnets and the tartan skirt really scream out "Look at me, I'm a middle schooler in 2008!" Could be because I just graduated last year and with the middle school across the street I got to see the kinds of clothes kids wore every day. I also got to see how it got less and less, every day. They've put a grown up idea on a youthful model. Are they secretly trying to promote underaged sex? I'm not a prude but I do believe it is a special thing that needs to be taken seriously with the proper steps and precautions. That being said, preeeeetty sure her giving him head was a spur of the moment thing, considering it looks like they're stationed in a dark alley somewhere.

Good job, PUMA! You're disgusting!

Criminal #13: Stouffer's Skillet Sensations

It's been ages baby, but I'm back and I'm just as infuriated as ever. What now, you ask? What could have possibly pissed me off now? Well, the hard truth of the matter is this: I work in a mall, worse than that, I have a job that involves the two main industries responsible for stereotypes as we know them (hello movies and music). As much as I'd like my first post after a long hiatus to be a huge rip into the company I work for, I think that would be a bad idea so I'll just say this: The amount of things I'm seeing on a daily basis that piss me off are phenomenal. The list is getting longer by the day.

Today's criminal is one that I happened to see numerous times the other day while I was home with the flu. Stouffer's Skillet Sensations. What's wrong with a fast, easy, and healthy meal you ask? I'm sure the meal is fine, it's the latest advertising ploy that's making me sick.

The Hunt for the Sensational Husband Challenge

Okay, sure, I'm all for trying to hunt sensational husbands down, get them to stop hiding and whatnot, but I think, I think they may have gone about it the wrong way. Unfortunately I couldn't find a clip of the commercial so bare with me. Essentially the commerical is suggesting that A) Husbands never cook and/or need to be persuaded into doing it B) Cooking dinner once makes you a sensational husband and C) Men are too dumb to handle anything that isn't prepackaged and ready to be tossed in a pan. (See guys, I'm standing up for you here!)

Visit the site http://www.skilletsensations.ca/en/men/ to take a look at the contest. It's very straight forward, every six weeks Stouffer's will send a postcard to your home, inviting the man of the house to make dinner (right after he finishes his ice cold martini and you get his slippers for him). Bla, bla, bla, you win prizes, yadda, yadda, trip for two to Australia. Sure, it sounds appealing, but what are the undertones of the commerical saying?

Cooking is a womans job normally. Men need things prepackaged. Women and men alike should be amazed and consider him to be sensational for doing a task that really ought to be shared in the house anyways.

Sorry, we fought for equal rights for how many years and people still believe a womans place is in the kitchen? I don't think so. And what about single fathers, do they order out every night or do their children just starve or is it even remotely possible that they *gasp* have cooking skills and are capable of feeding their children every night?

It's a subtle commentary on our society today. No matter how modern we consider ourselves, commercials like this keep pulling us back with the simplest suggestions. Here's a challenge for you, Stouffer's: Visit a real home where both parents are working nine to five monday through friday. Visit a real home where man and wife (wife and wife, man and man, wherever you live, whoever you love I dont care) work together as a team to take care of their children and put food on the table every night. I hope I find one of these commericals to post because it basically explains itself.

Stouffer's, you're on the list.