#11 Nestle: "Sure it tastes good, but the guilt will make you lose 20 pounds!"

Oh you all knew it was coming. It was inevitable that Nestle joined the ranks of the miserable s.o.bs that I refuse to support. However the question remains; which controversy will I aim at? Should it be the Ethiopian baby formula scandal (where some braniac in Nestle decided it would be a good idea to go into third world countries and tell nursing women that actually, they were better off if they used Nestle Baby Formula to nurse their babes instead of breast milk.) For those of you that aren't up-to-date with biology, it's through the mothers breast milk that infants get many of their antibodies, helping them survive. So by telling them not to nurse, basically they condemned thousands of infants to death. Meanwhile the water which was being used to milk said baby formula was, of course, dirty and generally unhealthy, so this led to thousands of gastrointestinal diseases in infants. Brilliant Nestle. Absolutely brilliant.

Ethiopia: -1 Nestle's Corrupt Board members: +3

Next lets take a look at a little thing we call child slave labor. You heard me right. That delicious chocolate that you like to enjoy (by the way North America, you do not need any more chocolate. Heart disease number one killer what?)
http://www.organicconsumers.org/fair_trade/slavechocolate060414.cfm

The UN estimates there are roughly 284,000 child slaves in West Africa, mostly along the ivory coast, harvesting those beans that make that delicious chocolate you like to enjoy. Feeling guilty yet? Probably not, I haven't built much of a case for it. Some argue that these children have jobs. Now they have money to buy food with. If that's what you're thinking, let me ask you this: Would you be alright with your four year old harvesting cacao beans for 1 cent an hour? If you answered yes then you probably shouldn't be allowed to have children.

Not convinced Nestle is evil yet? Well I'm sure you remember 2005 in Venezuela, yeah what was that? Approximately 500 pets died from what? Oh yeah, contaminated Purina food. Purina, a Nestle brand name. Apparently Nestle stored the food inappropriately which led to a high influx of food contaminated with the fungus containing aflatoxin.

If you aren't convinced yet, there's nothing I can do. Apparently you're just a heartless person. So go out there, poison your cat, support slave labor and while you're at it, make sure to buy some of that healthy baby formula. Mix it with the sewer water and feed it to your new born! If it's good enough for Ethiopia, it's got to be good enough for you, right?

#10: McDonalds "I'll love it if it pays to have my clogged arteries scraped"

There's no doubt about it, McDonalds is a staple in any North American childhood. It's where you go if you want a quick meal (According to ads, also good place for "family time") while having the option to play in a pit of germ-covered plastic balls. It's where kids can get a meal and a toy, and most recently, it's where divorcee fathers take their kids every other Saturday because they can't think of anything else to do (Hi, Dad.)

My little sister loves McDonalds, at least she did last time I spoke to her. What's not to love? There are bright colours, friendly faces, a clown that would probably watch you in your sleep given the option, and of course, the healthy food. Oh, wait, that's right. There's supposed to be an 'un' prefix there. I meant to say UNhealthy.

I was watching the Colbert Report last night, as I do every night (Hi, Stephen Colbert!) and he did a spot on people destroying America, this time focusing an a woman who protested the use of McDonalds offering a free happy meal to kids who got good report cards. I'd heard a bit off an on about this, there are a few sites on the internet that show you these report cards and the happy-go-lucky clown on them, offering you up a slim moment of happiness for your excellent grades. (http://middledigit.net/wp-content/uploads/2007/12/advertising-report-card.jpg)

So what's wrong with this? A couple of things actually. 1) Rewarding your child with an unhealthy prize. I'm all for supporting kids if they do well in school, but don't take them to McDonalds. Take them to the book store, get them something to feed their little brain. Go to the circus, they can see a real clown, hell take them out for a shrimp tree, at least there won't be the off chance that their conusuming a small child from South Bangladash (that's right, it's people.) Your child is obviously young an impressionable, now is not the time to start rewarding good behaviour with bad gifts. If your child is doing so well in school, shouldn't you be expanding on that? Maybe teach them a thing or two about nutritional value. Speaking of which, here's a nifty way for them to understand!
http://www.calorie-count.com/calories/manufacturer/36.html

B- 1% Low Fat Chocolate Milk Jug - Beverages
B- 1% Low Fat Milk Jug - Beverages
B- 1% Lowfat Milk
D 1000 Island salad dressing
C Apple Bran Muffin
D Apple Danish
B- Apple Dippers
B- Apple Dippers with Low Fat Caramel Dip
Apple Juice
D Bacon Bits
A- Bacon Ranch Salad - (without chicken and dressing)
C Bacon Ranch Salad with Crispy Chicken
C+ Bacon Ranch Salad with Grilled Chicken
F Bacon, Egg & Cheese Biscuit - Breakfast
D+ Bacon, Egg & Cheese McGriddles - Breakfast
C+ Bagel
C- Baked Apple Pie
Barbeque Sauce - Chicken McNuggets Sauces
F Big Breakfast
D+ Big Mac - Sandwiches
D Big Mac All-Beef Hamburger Patty - (burger only, prepared with Grill Seasoning)
B- Big Mac Bun with sesame seeds
F Big Mac Sauce
D+ Big N' Tasty - Sandwiches
D+ Big N' Tasty with Cheese - Sandwiches
C- Biscuit - Breakfast
D Bleu Cheese dressing
B- Butter Garlic Croutons
D+ Butterfinger McFlurry - Desserts/Shakes - (12 fl oz cup)
A- Caesar Salad - (without chicken and dressing)
C+ Caesar Salad with Crispy Chicken
B- Caesar Salad with Grilled Chicken
B+ California Cobb Salad - (without chicken and dressing)
C California Cobb Salad with Crispy Chicken
C+ California Cobb Salad with Grilled Chicken
D Cheese Danish
D+ Cheeseburger - Sandwiches
C+ Chef Salad
Chicken Fajita
C- Chicken McGrill
D- Chicken McNuggets - (20 piece)
D Chicken McNuggets - (10 piece)
D Chicken McNuggets - (6 piece)
D Chicken McNuggets - (4 piece)
D Chicken McNuggets
Chicken McNuggets Sauces - Honey Mustard
Chicken McNuggets Sauces - Light Mayonnaise
D+ Chicken Selects Premium Breast Strips
C- Chocolate Chip Cookie - Desserts/Shakes
C- Chocolate Triple Thick Shake - Desserts/Shakes - (21 fl oz cup)
C- Chocolate Triple Thick Shake - Desserts/Shakes - (16 fl oz cup)
C- Chocolate Triple Thick Shake - Desserts/Shakes - (32 fl oz cup)
C- Chocolate Triple Thick Shake - Desserts/Shakes - (12 fl oz cup)
B- Chunky Chicken Salad
D Cinnamon Raisin Danish
D+ Cinnamon Roll
Coca-Cola Classic - (Super Size)
Coca-Cola Classic - (Small)
Coca-Cola Classic - (Large)
Coca-Cola Classic - (Medium)
Coca-Cola Classic - (Child)
Coffee - (Small)
Coffee - (Large)
Coffee - (Medium)
D+ Crispy Chicken
C- Crispy Chicken Bacon Ranch Salad - (without dressing)
C Crispy Chicken Caesar Salad - (without dressing)
C- Crispy Chicken California Cobb Salad - (without dressing)
Diet Coke - (Small)
Diet Coke - (Medium)
Diet Coke - (Super Size)
Diet Coke - (Large)
Diet Coke - (Child)
F Double Cheeseburger - Sandwiches
D Double Quarter Pounder with Cheese - Sandwiches

You don't have to be the star student of the third grade to see that there are a lot of D's and F's being handed out, and that's only the first page. Even the orange juice is only getting a C+. ORANGE JUICE. What's so difficult about it? You take an orange, you squeeze! Where can you lose the nutrition- oh, that's right, it's not real orange juice.
So nutritional value aside (or lack thereof) what are the other problems? Let's go back


to the young and impressionable idea for a moment. We don't need today's youth looking at this (see the report card) anymore than we need them looking at the Dolce Gabbana ad. Advertising is advertising no matter how you package it, and these children are just learning to understand what's around them and what certain things mean. Start them off early and they'll continue to think that it's normal for their lives to be covered in corporate stamps. McDonalds supports that, Disney supports this, Nike gives you shoes, Coca Cola gives you Christmas.

You have to catch kids early if you want them to grow up as active viewers (as opposed to the passive viewers that exist as they drool over their report cards). Don't get me wrong, there is a place for a corporate sponser, sports teams, areas, music events, but school is not one of them. Teachers have a hard enough time trying to get through to the Need-TV generation as it is, the last thing they need is to be competing with a giant like McDonalds. Kids need to be focused on what they're doing, and doing it for themselves, not because they get a Happy Meal out of the deal (which, incidently, would not have made me work any harder when I reached Middle and High School. So why isn't McDonalds hitting them up? It's not because we're too old, it's because we're just a little bit smarter than when we were in elementary school and buying us off isn't that easy.)

So what have we got? Rewarding children with things not nutritional, allowing young minds to become passive in their media viewing, and generally letting Corporate America roll over the school system. Need something else to convince you? Okay...

UM. Ha, okay... Maybe in some cultures it's normal to get it on with a sacrificial lamb before setting it on fire so the gods may receive it, but here in North America, generally sticking anything of your person inside of a sandwich other than, say, a finger to get out that slice of tomato you don't like, is frowned upon. I don't know who they have coming up with these slogans but I'd bet you anything that if we put them in a bad part of town for a night, they wouldn't be walking out in the morning. And look that that guys expression, it looks like he's actually considering sticking his penis inside the burger.

So that leaves me with one thought:

Wouldn't the cheese leave some serious burn marks?

Criminal #9: Slim Fast "Obviously you're too FAT. If you weren't so FAT then you would be happy, isn't that right FATTIE?"

There's no denying it, many women (not all by any means, and of course this applies to men too) have self esteem problems. This comes directly from the media. Yeah, no shit, that's pretty obvious isn't it? when you have people like Eva Longoria and Beyonce' 'Look at my boobs' Knowles prowling the advertising world and struting they're over-plastered, make-uped faces, no wonder us gals feel less than attractive a lot of the time. Don't be fooled though. What you're seeing there isn't true beauty. What you're seeing is seven clever makeup artists and one digital editor who is having the time of his life putting his kid through college with this one job because Loreal and Maybe-she's-not-born-with-it-Maybellene are scared that their product isn't appealing to the normal woman. What better way to get it out there than by having the most A-Typical examples of beauty indorse your product in a 30 second spot. Yeah, that'll make me want to buy it. Tell me what deodorant Jane Goodall uses and maybe I'll think about it.

But I digress. Today's shameful example of trouncing on every womans selfesteem is none other than Slim Fast. That's right, those wonderful weightloss drinks available for fatties everywhere. Because that's what we all are, isn't it? Fat. Inside. Outside. Fat, fat, fat. Normally I wouldn't have an issue with these just because they make great morning breakfast drinks if you're on the go (or you sleep in like me) but the ads you see posted here are truly disturbing.

See, here are my issues with these ads. #1: One can only assume that the fiance did actually see the woman before he proposed to her, which means he was aware of at least her general weight, which means he fell in love with her as she was, not for who she's trying to become with excessive Slim Fast consumption. #2: One can only assume that if the fiance didn't like the womans weight he might comment on it before propsing to her and getting himself into a lifetime commitment. And #3: One can only assume, and I really hope this one is right, that if he did have a problem with her weight, she would punch him, pack up her stuff, and just for ironies sake eat his dog before leaving him. I put in the eating the dog thing because I think it would make a great visual. "Think I'm fat, huh? Guess how fat I'll be after I finish Skippers legs!"

What is it about our society that thinks the weight of a woman is so important. Okay, wait, lets establish right now that there's is a difference between being overweight and being your healthy natural weight. A person shouldn't confuse one for the other. That out of the way, let's got back to my original point. Society and it's refusal to acknowledge that a woman is beautiful no matter what her size. Granted, I'm pretty tiny, but so is my mom. It's my natural weight, and whoever told you that being thin was better than having some meat on your bones lied to you. I have lots of friends that are a little more on the hefty side (none of them, none of them are overweight though) and if I had a penny for every guy I have ever heard say he prefers a little more flesh to a girl I would have, I don't know, maybe 40, 50 bucks? And I would have no self esteem. But you know what? I do have selfesteem, because despite the fact that I went through middle and high school being called anorexic I am perfectly comfortable in my skin (and I am one of the least likely people to say that, because I look like the freaking bride of Frankenstein's monster will all the scars I've got.)

So I'm not sure where companies like Slim Fast get off telling a woman that on the most important day of her life, when everything should, and essentially does revolve around her, there is a chance she'll be too fat. Don't listen to a word they're telling you girls. The first step to happiness with your man isn't good sex, it isn't a perfect home, or a well paying job. It's you and your partner being comfortable with who you are. Love yourself, as you were made, with the genes you inherited (no one understands that one better than me), with as much booty or lacktherof that you've got. And guys, don't feel like you need the six pack or the bronzed skin. And if for an instant you think maybe your other half won't like you for just your personality remember, you fell in love with someone else too, not just the body. Because bodies fade, and all the Slim Fast in the world won't help those wrinkles when they start showing. so will you still love each other then? I bet you will (ignoring the divorce rate statistics.)

Criminal #8: Pepsi "..FINALLY!"

Anyone who knows me particularly well knows I'm filled with nothing but contempt for two major thing sin the world: Coca-Cola and Pepsi (True winner is Clive Cussler but that's a different category altogether.) Those of you that haven't seen it yet, rent or buy The Cola Wars, it's a documentary that takes you through the lifelines of both Coke and Pepsi and the competitions that have taken place, and the war that continues to surge every day. As far as I've learned, most people seem to favor Coke over Pepsi, personally I think one tastes like my teeth rotting, and the other tastes like my brain melting, and I can't tell any greater difference than that.

Why don't I like them? Simple really, our North american culture has already been ravaged by the cola kings, but over the last (lets say 30, really thowing that number out there) 30 years the fingers of these ruthless corporations have been slipping into the many cultures of the world outside of North America. Why is this a problem? Again, very simple. Canada is a Mosaic of cultures. Immigrants can take comfort knowing that they can easily keep their traditions and life styles upon entering our country, likewise, the US is a melting pot, where eventually everyone melds together. There's nothing wrong with that really, it's simply the way it is. Because we exist that way, changes to the culture as a general (trends, ect) are bound to happen, you expect them.

But what about Japan? Granted, not the best example as they pretty much hoover up any latest trend, but think about how long Japan remained an independent civilization after the discovery of North America, think about how the gentle and romantic culture of the ronin and feudal lords existed and then, blam, fell the minute foreigners struck.

Not convinced? Okay, Kvass. Haven't heard of it? I'm not surprisd. It is a traditional Russian drink. Like Asia has its green tea, Russia has it's Kvass. Except now Russia doesn't have it's Kvass because Coca Cola and Pepsi thought it might be a nice idea to sneak in there and choke the Russian culture with their killer pops (incidently, a while ago Coke decided it was no longer selling 'carbonated beverages' but 'sparkling sodas' so the phrase that many associate with yummy carbonated fruit drinks now also applies to Coke). Russia isn't the only victim though, so is China and Japan, andi don't know about the US but in Canada you can't walk through a school or a mall without being blinded by the ads.

So why is Pepsi the only one I'm putting on the list today? Well, unfortunately I've yet to find any really offensive Coke advertising (they're the real evil if you ask me, Pepsi is the lesser, but still... evil enough.) Well, in case you didn't notice the pictures earlier (internets comes in braille now?) the items of clothing seen previously all have something in common. What's that? Oh, why that's just a Pepsi symbol? Your ass is a bilboard? Why yes, yes it is. What's wrong Pepsi? You tired of losing out to Coke, you have to make us spread your message of unhealthy bodies? Best of all, guess what the price range is for these items.

$25-$75

Yeah, so $1.50 for a can of Pepsi (or whatever the hell it is now) apparently isn't enough for the company, they need more... more! Feed me, lemmings. Feed me all night long.