#10: McDonalds "I'll love it if it pays to have my clogged arteries scraped"

There's no doubt about it, McDonalds is a staple in any North American childhood. It's where you go if you want a quick meal (According to ads, also good place for "family time") while having the option to play in a pit of germ-covered plastic balls. It's where kids can get a meal and a toy, and most recently, it's where divorcee fathers take their kids every other Saturday because they can't think of anything else to do (Hi, Dad.)

My little sister loves McDonalds, at least she did last time I spoke to her. What's not to love? There are bright colours, friendly faces, a clown that would probably watch you in your sleep given the option, and of course, the healthy food. Oh, wait, that's right. There's supposed to be an 'un' prefix there. I meant to say UNhealthy.

I was watching the Colbert Report last night, as I do every night (Hi, Stephen Colbert!) and he did a spot on people destroying America, this time focusing an a woman who protested the use of McDonalds offering a free happy meal to kids who got good report cards. I'd heard a bit off an on about this, there are a few sites on the internet that show you these report cards and the happy-go-lucky clown on them, offering you up a slim moment of happiness for your excellent grades. (http://middledigit.net/wp-content/uploads/2007/12/advertising-report-card.jpg)

So what's wrong with this? A couple of things actually. 1) Rewarding your child with an unhealthy prize. I'm all for supporting kids if they do well in school, but don't take them to McDonalds. Take them to the book store, get them something to feed their little brain. Go to the circus, they can see a real clown, hell take them out for a shrimp tree, at least there won't be the off chance that their conusuming a small child from South Bangladash (that's right, it's people.) Your child is obviously young an impressionable, now is not the time to start rewarding good behaviour with bad gifts. If your child is doing so well in school, shouldn't you be expanding on that? Maybe teach them a thing or two about nutritional value. Speaking of which, here's a nifty way for them to understand!
http://www.calorie-count.com/calories/manufacturer/36.html

B- 1% Low Fat Chocolate Milk Jug - Beverages
B- 1% Low Fat Milk Jug - Beverages
B- 1% Lowfat Milk
D 1000 Island salad dressing
C Apple Bran Muffin
D Apple Danish
B- Apple Dippers
B- Apple Dippers with Low Fat Caramel Dip
Apple Juice
D Bacon Bits
A- Bacon Ranch Salad - (without chicken and dressing)
C Bacon Ranch Salad with Crispy Chicken
C+ Bacon Ranch Salad with Grilled Chicken
F Bacon, Egg & Cheese Biscuit - Breakfast
D+ Bacon, Egg & Cheese McGriddles - Breakfast
C+ Bagel
C- Baked Apple Pie
Barbeque Sauce - Chicken McNuggets Sauces
F Big Breakfast
D+ Big Mac - Sandwiches
D Big Mac All-Beef Hamburger Patty - (burger only, prepared with Grill Seasoning)
B- Big Mac Bun with sesame seeds
F Big Mac Sauce
D+ Big N' Tasty - Sandwiches
D+ Big N' Tasty with Cheese - Sandwiches
C- Biscuit - Breakfast
D Bleu Cheese dressing
B- Butter Garlic Croutons
D+ Butterfinger McFlurry - Desserts/Shakes - (12 fl oz cup)
A- Caesar Salad - (without chicken and dressing)
C+ Caesar Salad with Crispy Chicken
B- Caesar Salad with Grilled Chicken
B+ California Cobb Salad - (without chicken and dressing)
C California Cobb Salad with Crispy Chicken
C+ California Cobb Salad with Grilled Chicken
D Cheese Danish
D+ Cheeseburger - Sandwiches
C+ Chef Salad
Chicken Fajita
C- Chicken McGrill
D- Chicken McNuggets - (20 piece)
D Chicken McNuggets - (10 piece)
D Chicken McNuggets - (6 piece)
D Chicken McNuggets - (4 piece)
D Chicken McNuggets
Chicken McNuggets Sauces - Honey Mustard
Chicken McNuggets Sauces - Light Mayonnaise
D+ Chicken Selects Premium Breast Strips
C- Chocolate Chip Cookie - Desserts/Shakes
C- Chocolate Triple Thick Shake - Desserts/Shakes - (21 fl oz cup)
C- Chocolate Triple Thick Shake - Desserts/Shakes - (16 fl oz cup)
C- Chocolate Triple Thick Shake - Desserts/Shakes - (32 fl oz cup)
C- Chocolate Triple Thick Shake - Desserts/Shakes - (12 fl oz cup)
B- Chunky Chicken Salad
D Cinnamon Raisin Danish
D+ Cinnamon Roll
Coca-Cola Classic - (Super Size)
Coca-Cola Classic - (Small)
Coca-Cola Classic - (Large)
Coca-Cola Classic - (Medium)
Coca-Cola Classic - (Child)
Coffee - (Small)
Coffee - (Large)
Coffee - (Medium)
D+ Crispy Chicken
C- Crispy Chicken Bacon Ranch Salad - (without dressing)
C Crispy Chicken Caesar Salad - (without dressing)
C- Crispy Chicken California Cobb Salad - (without dressing)
Diet Coke - (Small)
Diet Coke - (Medium)
Diet Coke - (Super Size)
Diet Coke - (Large)
Diet Coke - (Child)
F Double Cheeseburger - Sandwiches
D Double Quarter Pounder with Cheese - Sandwiches

You don't have to be the star student of the third grade to see that there are a lot of D's and F's being handed out, and that's only the first page. Even the orange juice is only getting a C+. ORANGE JUICE. What's so difficult about it? You take an orange, you squeeze! Where can you lose the nutrition- oh, that's right, it's not real orange juice.
So nutritional value aside (or lack thereof) what are the other problems? Let's go back


to the young and impressionable idea for a moment. We don't need today's youth looking at this (see the report card) anymore than we need them looking at the Dolce Gabbana ad. Advertising is advertising no matter how you package it, and these children are just learning to understand what's around them and what certain things mean. Start them off early and they'll continue to think that it's normal for their lives to be covered in corporate stamps. McDonalds supports that, Disney supports this, Nike gives you shoes, Coca Cola gives you Christmas.

You have to catch kids early if you want them to grow up as active viewers (as opposed to the passive viewers that exist as they drool over their report cards). Don't get me wrong, there is a place for a corporate sponser, sports teams, areas, music events, but school is not one of them. Teachers have a hard enough time trying to get through to the Need-TV generation as it is, the last thing they need is to be competing with a giant like McDonalds. Kids need to be focused on what they're doing, and doing it for themselves, not because they get a Happy Meal out of the deal (which, incidently, would not have made me work any harder when I reached Middle and High School. So why isn't McDonalds hitting them up? It's not because we're too old, it's because we're just a little bit smarter than when we were in elementary school and buying us off isn't that easy.)

So what have we got? Rewarding children with things not nutritional, allowing young minds to become passive in their media viewing, and generally letting Corporate America roll over the school system. Need something else to convince you? Okay...

UM. Ha, okay... Maybe in some cultures it's normal to get it on with a sacrificial lamb before setting it on fire so the gods may receive it, but here in North America, generally sticking anything of your person inside of a sandwich other than, say, a finger to get out that slice of tomato you don't like, is frowned upon. I don't know who they have coming up with these slogans but I'd bet you anything that if we put them in a bad part of town for a night, they wouldn't be walking out in the morning. And look that that guys expression, it looks like he's actually considering sticking his penis inside the burger.

So that leaves me with one thought:

Wouldn't the cheese leave some serious burn marks?