Criminal #1- Axe Bodyspray

Well, where do I begin? Let's assume for a moment that I buy Axe on a regular basis. Obviously I don't being A) a girl and B) completely and totally sane.

So a young woman and her grandmother are strolling through the supermarket when suddenly... what's that? The young woman gets a whiff of a heavenly odor! Can it be? It can't... Yes! Corrosive chemicals combined together in aerosol form! How delightful! Tossing her grandmother aside the young woman, what is she doing? Strolling? Ambling? Oh, no, sorry, that would be a burlesque routine right there. Well anyways, she begins to flaunt, and shake, and otherwise bring shame to her grandmother that probably spent her youth fighting for the right to vote.

Now someone tell me, am I the only person in the world that doesn't find Axe at all appealing? Maybe it's because in high school some kids thought it would be funny to spray it in the hallways and watch as asthmatic kids were forced to walk through it. Maybe it's because I think it generally smells disgusting.

Or maybe it's because the angry feminist in me is totally disgusted by the idea of a woman doing whatver sort of dance THAT was in front of a kid just because he smells like chemicals. Meanwhile grandma's nursing a broken hip and women's rights have just fallen back about thirty-four years.

Have the makers of Axe even spoken to a woman? I get that maybe some of them find it funny, okay, on first glance I would think making an ass out of myself in public would be funny too... Oh wait, no I wouldn't, because it's not. It's ridiculous.

Congratulations Axe, if I ever thought of buying your product (don't worry, I didn't) now I won't because you are the first on the list of Buy and Die. I say that, of course, assuming that nothing about your product is safe and it's probably eating away at that young mans lungs as he watches raging-hormone girl dance around. Better get your inhaler, Billy!