RBC: "What they don't tell you is that little Suzy is their leverage"

i can only imagine moving from one country to a new one (and being able to speak the language fluently) is most challenging. why, I recently moved to a new province, got a job, and just today, had my first 'new bank experience.'

Let me sum it up for you:

Me: I'd like to start an account so you can keep my money safe for me while I got to school.

Them: Do you have ID?

Me: I have these *Ids spill from pockets, except the important and ever fabled drivers license*

Them: You need a drivers license or something with picture ID.

Me: I have these four school IDs from High School and middle school.

Them: No, those won't work.

Me: But-

Them: Do you have your Alberta Health Insurance Card?

Me: No, I just moved here. I have my Alberta Childrens Hospital Card.

Them: No, that won't work.

Me: But that card got me through four surgeries. YOU'RE not correcting my spine, are you?

Them: It has to be a Health Insurance Card.

Me: But... but surgery! It.. what... I hate you.

Them: And you're not going to school?

Me: No, I'm trying to SAVE for school.

Them: A school ID would work too.

Me: But I just told you I had-

Them: From a university or college.

Me: So my last 12 years of education meant nothing to you, is that what you're telling me?

Them: So, social insurance card, health insurance card, student ID, drivers license.

Me: Would this be going any more smoothly if I told you I was from Istanbul or Uzbekistan.

Them: So we'll see you Friday!

Me: you're giving me 48 hours to get a piece of Government ID?

Them: Your appointment is with Adele.

Me: Where's the Black Market around here?

Them: Just bring in your ID...

Me: *walks away*

That was fun, really it was. I'm so GLAD the nice couple immigrating to Canada had such an easy time setting up a new bank account. Meanwhile, I couldn't pay these people to take my money (irony) without the proper ID. Because, you know, I've only been Me for the last eighteen years of my life.

I could have picked any commerical in particular to use, in the end it would be the same thing. Banks give you the happy, doe-eyed experience on TV, but when you get in there to give them money, god help you if you don't follow protocol.

When you get right down to it, this is a matter of false advertising. You're leading me to believe that I will be welcomed into the family, lovingly taken care of while my every need is seen to. Hell, I can even start an RRSP and start saving for my retirement NOW.

But as long as I can drive.

Or prove I am who I say I am.

Because one Children's hospital card, one BC health insurance card, four school ids, one social insurance card, and one birth certificate don't count. You know, I might have forged them or something.

You can't exactly protest banks, they are, unfortunately important to our lifestyles so instead of not using them, I'm simply going to avoid them at all cost. And you know what else I'm going to do? I'm not going to spend any money on crappy products that I don't like so my money will slowly add up over the years, and slowly but surely I'll get more and more interest, and then one day BAM, I'll go to the nearest branch and take out every last penny I ever invested in your feckless corporation and hide it under my mattress.

And you know what else? I bet it'll be a lot safer there.