Criminal #18 Absolut Vodka "Daddy loves you very much, NOW SHUT UP"

I had this big plan to do a tribute to the nerds in advertising buuuut as it turns out I couldn't find any that weren't degrading. I guess the idea of "sexy" and "hot" created by the media is now the only sort of man available. Instead I stumbled on this beauty, and hey! We don't focus on the food industry nearly enough so take a look at this:

Classy, to say the least. Let's forget for a moment that alcoholism is a big problem in North America, heck, let's ignore the whole issue of drunk driving. Let's focus on what this image is saying to us:

Family + Vodka = good times for all! Never in all my years would I associate a happy family with vodka, any liquor for that matter. Absolut Welcome? Sure, as long as you bring booze, because if this family isn't boozed up for the holiday season they become impossible to deal with. When did 'family' get so hard that we had to start drinking to deal with it? More importantly, when did it become acceptable to use the concept of 'family' to sell vodka? It's like using children in an ad for erotic toys. They don't mix, they shouldn't mix, and if they ever do, people should be up in arms about it.

More than anything I think it's disgusting that we just sort of shrug this sort of thing off. Now, I'm not the sort of person that get's riled up about 'The state of today's family system.' Sure, family is great, as long as they're sane and love each other. I don't think it should matter who is in the family, or who makes up the family, as long as they're happy. However, I will not deny that there certainly is a problem these days, divorce rates are high, and it seems like the only way parents feel they can get their kids through it is with drugs or therapy. Whatever happened to family meetings? To sitting down and discussing the issues at hand? Well I guess "daddy's having an affair" doesn't exactly spark a happy family, especially when mom is drowning her sorrows in Absolut and the kids are too drugged up to notice.

Stick to sex, Absolut. You've got no place in a family.

Criminal #17 Mac "No this isn't personal. It's more like...ah hell, it's personal"

So I thought about today's post being a tribute to all the nerdy guys used in ads buuuuuut I couldn't find any (wait for tomorrows update to learn more) and instead I went searching for one of those "Get a Mac" ads I had seen long ago where, unbeknownst to the Mac consumers, Apple basically calls their supporters dumb.

Now I'll admit, I didn't hop on the Mac/Apple bandwagon, mostly because I got sick of my brother trying to convince me that his Mac was quite simply the greatest creation since sliced bread. I'm all for having an OS that works for you, but like your religion, or your politics, don't try to force it on me. Hearing day after day how fantastic your Mac is doesn't make me want to buy one. It makes me want to break your jaw, snap your Mac over my knee and then ram its circuit board down your gullet until you're excreting bits of ram in your pants. My favorite moment during our Mac VS PC battle (and believe me, there were many battles) came when I was burning a cd onto my writing computer Gracie. The only thing that makes her remotely unique is that she isn't actually connected to the internet, so burning with windows media player means that I have to manually put in all the artist info myself instead of letting the internet do it. So the brother unit comes into my room, essentially points and laughs and says "If you had a Mac, you wouldn't have to do that." "No" I reply, "I would, because Gracie isn't connected to the internet. Did you think a bunch of intelligent pixies live inside your computer and constantly update your cd info when you don't have a wifi connection?" I didn't actually say that but he got my point. He also didn't believe that I could get artist info like he could on his itunes. I'm not sure WHY he thought I couldn't get it, but news flash: I can.

Anyways, back to my point. You might miss it, and again it is more of a nit-picky detail, but Apple has essentially just called its consumers "simple" (as well as intuitive, but I don't think your Mac is going to be able to give you a heads up when you have to go to the bathroom anymore than a PC so there goes that arguement." Since when has it been a compliment to be called simple? The human brain is a miracle if ever one existed, synapses, electrons buzzing around, all that grey matter that is so particular that the slightest injury can alterate for the rest of a persons life. What's simple about that? Oh sure, I'll just run out to the brain store and buy a new one, after all, my brain is exactly like the brain of that homeless guy down the street with the leaky eye... oh wait, no it isn't. That's right I'm a unique person and my brain is completely uniqie to me (unless I have an identical twin floating around that no one told me about).

The problem isn't that Apple used the term 'simple' to describe its consumers; it's the fact that they got away with it and no one seemed to notice. Everyone says "oh yeah, it's cute. Jon from the Daily Show is awesome lolz." Are we really so blind that we can be insulted every day by the very corporations that are running our lives? They get away with tasteless (and may I add over-down) crap like this because we're a passive community, we've absolutely given up.

Screw you "Get a Mac" I want that stoned Ellen chick back.

Criminal #16: Colgate "For those of you with no teeth, please disregard."

It's been a while, but I'm back and as bitchy as ever (not in the stereotypical female is bitchy oo what a suprise sort of way.)







So it turns out all you have to do is type in "Bad Advertising" into google and you find a goldmine. Some of them inappropriate because of sexuality, some of it bad for the type of humor used. Today's is a latter; lets keep in mind that the point of this blog, this social experiment if you will, is to be stubborn, picky, petty even. The points don't have to be good, they don't even have to make sense. The ads should just irk you.





Without further ado I give you...


Nondecript Elderly Indian Person With No Teeth

What... the hell Colgate? Seriously, is there anything more insulting to a human being? That's like buying a blind person a Picasso, or giving a deaf man a lost Led Zeppelin recording. There are some things that just aren't appropriate. I'm sure Colgate just thought it was pithy, that the irony was going to be great.

You want some irony Colgate? What good is toothpaste when there's no food to eat?