Buy and Die: A Life of Protest

Criminal #37 Greyhound: "You Slimy Rat-nosed Bastards"

2011-03-02T01:22:00.002-07:00

Dear Greyhound,

I am sending you this online proposal because I have a splendid idea, and because my efforts to contact any Greyhound official through the website have seemingly been in vain I have chosen to now direct this proposal towards this email address. (I can only assume there must be something wrong with the online form seeing as how I made it infinitely clear that I expected a reply to my considerably serious issue and now, two months later, have heard nothing from any member of the Greyhound family. Obviously this is a technical flaw and not an issue with the company itself, right?)

Let me tell you a story about a young woman who has had the misfortune of being forced to use your services every week for the last two months due to some serious spinal issues requiring medical attention in Calgary which happens to be two and a half hours away from where she is currently living, equally a three and a half hour bus ride (I'll leave the curiosities of this math problem up to you). This girl expects to meet her mother at the Greyhound Calgary bus depot at 8:00 in the evening because hell, going to the hospital by yourself at any age is absolutely traumatic, and we all need support once in a while. So imagine this girls surprise when she's given a note and told that her mother's bus was mysterious cancelled (with absolutely no explanation, just so you know) and that she ought to go on to the hotel alone. "Okay," the girl thinks, "I can handle that. I'll see her in a couple hours." Well, a couple hours gives way to a couple drinks in the hotel bar, and finally at 12:00, that would be ten plus two or midnight for those of you that have issues with telling time (as the whole of Greyhound seems to have), the girl's mother shows up and announce that not only was the 5:30 bus out of Red Deer cancelled and she was not informed until 6:00 but the 8:00 bus sent to replace it was 2 hours late and AGAIN, no one was informed that this was happening.

I'm sure you can appreciate that not only was this girl at the point of mental breakdown because, again, once you have 5 spinal surgeries and you come to rely on the support of a parental figure, not knowing where they are or why they are late can be quite frightening.

So here's my grand proposal for Greyhound. Stop being so utterly ridiculous. I understand that as a company it possesses a monopoly. I have no choice but to take your God forsaken bus system from Lethbridge, but after so many rides I can't help but wonder if maybe I should be just saving my money and searching Kijiji for used spines. At the very least I would never have to sit in your sticky bus seats or talk to people who smell like questionable herbal products and like to tell me how nice my hair is and wouldn't I like to buy a hemp bag? And I wouldn't ever have to run the risk of sleeping for two nights on the cold floor of the Calgary bus depot where no blankets are provided nor pillows nor explanations and oh, no hot water, no offer to be put up in a hotel and hell, no general human compassion offered by your ridiculous company at all? If I added up the hours I have spent wasting my life back and forth between cities, stuck on your buses, in your depots, getting stickier and hempier and more miserable and closer to hanging myself in your disgusting public bathrooms, I would probably have a total emotional break down due to the complete waste of time.

Being the biggest lug around doesn't give your company any right to treat your customers like utter shit, which is exactly what you have done time and time again. You're nothing more than a pathetic bully with a high and mighty sense of self that, trust me, isn't warranted nor deserved. And the fact that your company blatantly ignores customer complaints is absolutely staggering. Do you have absolutely no idea how to run a company? How far up does this incompetence run? Really, how often have any of your so called 'officials' traveled on one of your coaches and ended their trip satisfied?

Greyhound is an appalling and shameful company and needs a serious revamp all over. Start listening to your customers, start acting like a company worthy of monopoly you have or for the love of god, just get out of the province. I'd rather have nothing to deal with at all than put up with more of this crap. Considering the power of the internet these days, and the many, many rants I have located regarding both Greyhound in general and Greyhound's inability to respond to customer complaints, I would think it would be in the company's best interest to do something about it. And yes, this letter will be Cc'd to absolutely everyone and anyone I can find possibly associated with your company and if I don't hear back from at least one of you, I'm going to reach a new and more impressive height of rage that will result in non-stop complaints until someone acknowledges that there are serious issues with your company that needs to be fixed and shows me proof that such changes are made.

Sincerely,

Kathleen Sawisky

Note: In January I spent two nights at a Greyhound bus depot. No food offered, no blankets, or pillows, no fun. Someone's going to pay.

It's Been a While, Mr. Bond...

2011-02-19T13:49:00.002-07:00

You've successfully beaten my men and had sex with my obligatory female slave. She is in the process of dying as we speak. So, Mr. Bond, I think you need to ask yourself... What are you waiting for?

Yeah, yeah, it's been a while. I think what happened was what they refer to as.... burnout. Never fear my pretties, for I have returned with a bigger, badder batch of stuff you should stay away from, and owing to the fact that advertisers are starting to get smart (I know, I can't believe I just said it either), BaD is expanding its operations to consumer reviews and reports. That's right, wondering what your night lotion is really doing to your face? Convinced that your Swifter is turning into a gremlin at night and tormenting your dog? I'll do the research so you don't have to, and together we shall rule the wo-

Wait, no, sorry. I mean the Forbidden List will get bigger and we'll all get a little wiser. It's a good plan, no?

Criminal #36- Walmart "You probably could have seen this coming..."

2009-06-22T14:13:00.003-06:00

I'm going to make this short and sweet because today is my birthday and I don't want to spend it ranting.
Answer this simple survey:
1) Have you seen the documentary 'Wal-Town'?
-If your answer is no, go rent it.
2) Go here: http://www.ruggedelegantliving.com/change/a/WalmartFacts.htm
-You're thinking 'So what, that was 2003.' Well, yes, yes it was. Imagine what it must be now.

I can't really begin to sum up what I learned from 'Wal-Town'. It was helpful viewing it as a Canadian, because the trip these six activists took were through the biggest Walmarts in Canada. I recognized a few of them (which is difficult because they all look the same).
To whet your appetite a bit more before I start compiling tomorrow:
http://www.wakeupwalmart.com/facts/

Can you wait 24 hours? The suspense is killing you, I know! God, Walmart pisses me off.

I've taken a shuttle pod and escaped the Brapocalypse... possibly

2009-04-03T10:19:00.002-06:00

Today I went to work with the intention of politely quitting to my managers face and, I had hoped, watching her squirm as she read over the Employee Standards email.

Unfortunately she wasn't in until 1:00, and I'll be damned if I'm spending four extra hours there. I will not give them the satisfaction, no siree. So I wrote a polite letter, outlining that I felt I was left with no alternative but to leave my job. As well, I included a copy of the ES email and informed her that I was filing a formal complaint with them and head office and, I'm sure, she would be hearing from them shortly. Stef and Candace both read the note to act as witnesses to my (what I feel to be very polite) explanation. I gave it, along with a brief assessment of my feelings to the manager from Calgary who was up here training. Unfortunately, she is very level headed and reminds me a lot of a girl I knew growing up who was a total sweetheart, so that made it a little more difficult, but I still walked away without any regrets.

Now to see if I hear back from head office. If I don't within, say, the next 24 hours (starting now, 10:30 am my time) I will contact employee standards. As well, I'm posting a big ol' message on facebook for any of my fellow (ex) coworkers if they'd like to join this little protest.

Quite frankly I'd love to get a call from May asking me wtf is up, because she's no longer my boss and I'm no longer required to show her any respect. Despite that, I probably still would, to a certain extent. Don't get me wrong, I've taken it this far, I'm certainly going to stand my ground now. The only thing that bugs me about this is that I'm the one employee that hasn't been there 90 days, so any termination pay, bla bla bla whatever that could be gained from it, I can't get. Which is all right I suppose, because now it's more about seeing some form of justice done.

Will update as situation requires. This is only going to get more interesting folks.

Do you think there are four Victoria Secret models as a sign of the Brapocalypse?

2009-04-01T15:27:00.002-06:00

As of yesterday there are four, count them, four members of the "old" staff still remaining at La Senza. Myself, L, Lisa, and Steph.

The story as I've heard it, Mal, D, and Rhonda all had their pay cut and keys taken away for a variety of reasons. A quick glance at the Employment Standards board reveals this:

"If an employer intends to reduce an employee's wage rate, overtime rate, general holiday pay, vacation pay or termination pay, the employee must be notified before the start of the pay period in which the reduction is to take effect. However, these rates must always be at least the minimum required by the legislated standards."

So that's one more illegal thing courtesy of La Senza.

Further more:
"There are some deductions that are not allowed, even with a written authorization from the employee. You cannot take deductions for faulty workmanship. Also, you may not deduct for cash shortages or loss of property where more than one person has access to the cash or property."

D was accused of stealing (without any evidence) which is why her keys were taken. This may or may not apply here...

If anyone knows anything else about wage deductions, let me know. This shit is going down soon. May is on to me, I was getting dirty scowls all day.

Bring it on.

...And continues

2009-03-31T14:57:00.000-06:00

A reply from the Employee Standards Board:

"An employee may quit their job and file a complaint with ES alleging that they were forced to leave or constructively dismissed. Employment Standards will accept and investigate complaints in such circumstances. Each case will be decided on its own particular facts and the reasons for the action taken by the employer.
The act of quitting must be a voluntary one on the part of the employee. If it is not, the employer will be found to have terminated the employee.While the Code does not specifically refer to constructive dismissal in the context of employee termination, an employee's reasons for quitting must be considered when assessing whether the employee's actions were voluntary.

Constructive dismissal arises when an employer unilaterally does something so contrary to the employment relationship that the action forces the employee to quit.Actions which can be considered to be constructive dismissal include:a significant change in employment status or working conditions.a dramatic reduction in wages without proper notice.In cases of constructive dismissal, the act of quitting by the employee is not voluntary. For this reason, the employer will be required to provide termination pay."

Iiiiinteresting La Senza...

The Brapocalypse Continues...

2009-03-30T07:52:00.002-06:00

I've sent in an inquiry to the Alberta Employment Standards (board?), so hopefully they'll be able to offer me some advice. I'm also in the process of filing a complaint with head office, although I'm worried it will go to Christy, who appears to be the mastermind behind the whole situation. I also sent in some resumes to a few places over the weekend so hopefully I'll hear back from at least one person soon. I can't stand La Senza.

Interesting note, during my insane search of the internet on Friday to find a proper way to file a formal complaint with head office, I located this little jem: http://www.nowtoronto.com/issues/2003-05-08/news_feature.php

The basic gist of it is that Gina Form is one of the few labour factories on that side of the world (Bangkok to be exact) that had a union, decent wages, and offered basic human rights to their employees. Well around 2003 new management took over and fired 40 union members and began to harass employees to sign new employment contracts that denied them these rights and other bullshit.

So what does La Senza do? Cuts ties with Gina Form.

No, you employ these people, you arguably have some amount of power in this situation. It is up to you, as a giant, evil, North American corporation to use this power for good ( I wish ). I don't know who makes the bras now, or where we get them. I also don't know what happened to Gina Form. All I do know is that factories that are supplying their employees with basic human rights, instead of, say, forcing them to work 12 hour days till their fingers bleed, need to be protected and supported. La Senza could have gotten involved, foreign conflict or not, and put a stop to this sort of management abuse.

Then again, we all know what La Senza thinks about management...

Criminal #35: La Senza "The Brapocalypse Has Begun"

2009-03-27T19:28:00.004-06:00

This is not a joke. This is not something that is meant to be taken in light jest. This is a serious problem. I have never been so angry before. Coca Cola combined with Pepsi combined with Nestle couldn't make me as utterly pissed off as I am right now.

Let me say this right off the bat; La Senza, I am taking you down. It might take me a month, it might take me a year but you will pay for the injustices you have laid upon good people. You will pay for firing the best manager and regional supervisor, two of the nicest people I have ever met. You will pay for being a morally reprehensible corporation. You. Will. Pay.

Here's the low down:

I began working at La Senza, a Canadian bra emporium (Think Victoria's Secret for Canada and parts of Europe) just two months ago. At the time there were two people in charge (Names changed for the safety and concern of the people involved.) Annie, the regional supervisor (as I understand it she looked after the four stores in our city, two La Senza's and two La Senza Girl's, one of each for the two malls in town.) There was also Lily (I totally suck at changing names, HA!) who was the store manager for us, STORE 207. THAT IS 207, BOWER MALL, RED DEER, ALBERTA.
Here is the basic timeline of what happened:

-Roughly three weeks in to my working, Annie is let go citing her position is being cut all along Canada. She has been with the company for years and could easily run our store single handedly. The staff are all very sad to see her leave but we keep going, after all we still have Lily.

-Two to three weeks after that, during Lily's day off (Very important point), the new supervisor of the area (information about this is sketchy) CHRISTY (oh my god, that's her real name) brings in May, the new 'Co-Manager' of not only 207, but the La Senza girl across from us, as well as the La Senza girl up at Parkland, the other mall on the other side of town. Remember, this was on Lily's day off, none of us, least of all Lily knew that May was coming. No one was informed about the new management position being created DESPITE several assistant managers and team leaders (key holders) being told in the past that should management positions open, they would be given first shot at it. We are all stunned.

-At this point alarm bells are going off. May puts no effort into getting to know anyone. Christy is being silent about the whole issue. I see Lily that day, she, one of the nicest people I know, looks mightily pissed off.

-Two weeks later (roughly) a Wednesday, Lily walks out. She has had enough.

And here's the roaming theory about what happened: Annie's position was cut, okay, I get that. Costs and what not. She was offered a management position which she declined, it would have been a step down for her.

Lily walks. Why does she walk? Very simple, along with the insanely passive aggressive actions of head office (IE: bringing in NEW MANAGEMENT without informing the MANAGER and on her day off no less) they drove Lily away. Now, I know we can easily say "Well, stand up for yourself. Don't take it." But remember, these are women. Women are bitches. I'm allowed to say that because A) I'm a woman B) I'm really pissed off and C) It wasn't that long ago that I was in high school and I can clearly remember the evil that was every girl I went to school with. We are conniving, we are bitter, we are cruel. And if she didn't walk, they would have fired her sooner or later.

OKAY, so after some venting, and silent rebellion by the staff, most of us seem to be getting used to May. I figured a lot of our rage against her was just misdirected. We were really, subconsciously pissed off at head office.

That was until last week, when I arrived and was told by several of the girls that May was mad because I missed a shift. Um, what? Apparently, so did my counterpart, who works the other half of the part time stock girl shift, we'll just call her L. for now because I can't think of anything else. Well, L had already cleared her days off with Lily, so this was easily cleared up, and May claims that she never made those comments about MY missed shifts. I give her the benefit of the doubt.

Wednesday, March 25th. There are 16, count them, 16 job interviews going on that day. There are not that many positions available. The thoughts of the staff? They're trying to do to us what they did to Lily.

Even then, I was willing to ignore that, I mean, I'm just a lowly stock girl, right? Why replace me? Together L and I make this great team, she takes half the shifts, I take the other half, and then we cross paths and get loads of stuff done all at once. It's great. It worked for the last two months. For the last two weeks or so we had been hearing that May was looking to hire a full time stock girl. Okay, that means our jobs are about to get cut. I wasn't too worried because I had been hired under the assumption that in a few months I would move to full time. (I had a back surgery in December and was just waiting to fully heal before I started. I discussed with with April- I mean May, OOPS, last week before my last Doctor's appointment. She did not follow up with me. Let me add at this point that Lily was uber concerned about my condition. Granted, that's not important to the story, but that says a lot about the character of the manager when one of them is constantly asking you if you need to go home early and the other one doesn't give a flying fuck.)

Okay, so L and I are in working this morning, two days after the major job interviews. Mal, EX-Assistant manager (because apparently her old job got cut too) comes in and tells us "There's a new full time stock girl."

L and I just stare.

Yes, there is a new full time stock girl. Ignore the fact that L and I make up one full time position AND the company doesn't have to pay benefits to us. May still felt the need to hire someone to replace us.

Just who is this someone?

She is a 17 year old drop out.

I won Most Inspirational Student when I graduated. She hasn't even been able to get that far.
So, of course I went from thinking "It's not personal" to "It's fucking personal, this fucking company, I'm going to fucking take them down." Which is what I plan on doing, somehow.

Why is she doing this? Simple, when May took over she got one hell of a rebellion, no one bothered to hide their discontent with the whole situation, Lily was forced out of her job. It was terrible, cruel, and wrong on many levels. May knows she can't win over the staff (in fact, I don't think she ever planned on it seeing as how she never bothered to get to know us at all.) So she begins to hire new people, making us feel as though we're being replaced, which of course we are. Legally, they can't fire most of us (I am the exception as I haven't been employed for 90 days yet) without reason. Technically they would have to cut all the positions and rename them to fire everyone, lest they face the wrath of human resources.

What can we do about it? Not a damn thing, because it goes further than just May. Another coworker, we'll call her D, contacted Christy, regional supervisor, after Lily walked, and what did Christy say? "Did she leave her key?"

That says something right there. When the first response to an excellent manager walking isn't "Holy shit, what happened?" but "Did she leave her key?" That tells me that this was planned, this was intentional. This childish, high school attitude to shun people and force them out of the popular clique that is La Senza, disgusts me in every way possible. So who can we go to? When May is a bitch, Christy is her mistress, and everyone above them are completely clueless? What do you do? Take things into your own hands, that's what. Along with getting several testimonies from my ex coworkers, I plan on filing a formal complaint to human resources, and raising more than a little bit of hell (and anyone who knows me, knows I'm capable of it.)

So here's what I need from you: Do not buy from La Senza. Direct people you know to this article and convince them not to buy from La Senza. If anyone has any legal expertise at all, or suggestions at how I can go about getting some justice please let me know. Apart from filing complaints and burning bras at protests, I'm fresh out of ideas. Either way, I'm walking next friday (I can easily get a reference from Annie or Lily, so I'm not too worried. Plus, I made friends with a guy at a mall kiosk looking to hire someone and he said he'd give me a call.)

I'll be fine. But you, La Senza Canada (Specifically store 207 in Bower Mall, Red Deer.) You will not be fine. You are about to have this shit blow up in your face. And I will be there smiling all the goddamned way.

I almsot forgot to add, not once were any of us A) introduced to the new people or B) told that new people were coming (let a lone a new stock girl.) Why not? Why not have a staff meeting and say "You know, I'm going to be hiring five new people..." You know why? Because they're replacements, not additions.

Criminal #34 LEGO "Legooooonoooo"

2009-03-14T16:43:00.004-06:00

I played with LEGO a lot when I was a kid. My second eldest brother, Greg, loved the stuff. I think he must have gotten LEGO for every present-giving occasions under the sun. LEGO for Christmas, LEGO for his birthday. It was great because he really had (and I assume still does) an eye for building in the 3D. We have an infamous LEGO city in our basement which regrettably was destroyed when we moved. Not sure if any pictures of it still exist.

So yes, as a girl, I loved played with LEGO. No, I wasn't really a tomboy. I mean, I wasn't girly by any means, I didn't really fit in anywhere on the scale. I loved LEGO.

Now, not so much. Take a look:

Dinosaur, plane, tank, ship. Ignoring the fact that right off the bat I can think of two LEGO sets that actually allow a person to build a plane AND a ship, making the three or four block creations redundant, here's my beef.

Those four things are male oriented. Now, as always I know what you're probably thinking. "But Kathleen, you're the one who stresses that kids should be able to play with any toys no matter what gender! What's stopping the girls from playing with the tanks?"

Nothing at all. The problem is the average mind isn't going to think "Oh my gosh! I have breasts and I love that dinosaur!" Society has, once again, created such a firm image of what girls and boys should play with, that I'm almost positive the average girl would scoff at the thought of playing with a tank or a dinosaur or a plane. Why should they? I loved it. What is stopping LEGO from easing into a new free-thought-gender-free toy campaign? Why not have a castle in there? Something that either gender could play with? Knights in shining armour, princesses. Granted, it still plays up the age old stereotype but at the very least, the ad would appeal to boys and girls alike.

It gets worse. I was googling some LEGO ads, hoping I could find proof that LEGO aims for young boys far more than girls (all I could find was the following, and seeing as it was the ONLY one I could find, it doesn't really validate my point.)

In my e-hunt I discovered the following three ads which made me more than a little uneasy.

(Click for bigger images)

Let's get one thing straight. There is a time and place to teach your child that the world is cruel. Through an advertisement of a loveable childhood toy would be the WRONG way. In what world is that acceptable at all? Disaster, famine, destruction? Should those really be mixing with innocence? Do you want you child to believe that the world can be so easily rebuilt with a few blocks? I guarantee you those people escaping genocide and famine don't consider it easy. Those are serious topics made mockerys. In no way should people stand for that sort of shit; it disgusts me.

Criminal #33 PETA "...Seawhatnow?"

2009-03-05T20:43:00.007-07:00

So, PETA has always been a sort of hit and miss situation with me. I've always been against animal testing (except, as stated in my Covergirl post, where it might be medically relevant. *Note, 'medically' and not 'cosmetically') but to me, PETA just takes it to extremes.

Just a quick point here, if this should ever become well known and someone goes on some PETA database somewhere and says "Hey, Kathleen! Your name is on it!" Yes, yes it is. You know why? Because they were giving away free stickers and I wanted some goddamned mail.

Antifur? Okay, yes, in a day and age where the fake thing is so readily available and, let's face it, probably no worse than the real thing. Leather? Meh, personally I'm not into it, but others are, and that's cool. Plenty of cultures are based off of the harmony between man and animal. Being Canadian, I grew up learning all about the Native American traditions, the sort of respect they held for the environment and the animals they hunted. In my own opinion that's good, that's the circle of life, big deal!

I could even put up with "I'd rather go naked than wear fur" campaign that seemed to show up in every magazine I bothered to glance through. Then, once more, good ol' AdFreak brought something to my attention:

I'm sorry, what? Kittens of the Sea? Have you ever even seen a kitten? Or a fish for that matter? I might be mistaken but I'm pretty sure there are a few differences between them, one being a fish is a freaking fish, dude! Kittens are mammals. MAMMALS.

Kittens of the Sea, dear god! There is one thing to be said about posting provocative ads that will allow a person to form their own educated guess. There's something else to be said about calling fish freaking kittens of the goddamned sea, evoking an image of, I don't know what, some kind of cutesie furry fish with pointy ears and whiskers.

And you know why they did it? Because kids eat that shit up. Kids are impressionable. Kids think fish are cute. Kids think kittens are cute (alternate ideas for the campaign were puppies of the river and ponies of the pond). Kids will see ads like that, with it's tastefully minimalistic amount of words and think "I can't eat a kitten! I can't eat a fishy!" Next thing you know mom is sending thousands of unused tins of tuna to the foodbank because the children won't eat it.

No, what PETA has done here is manipulative beyond words. Aiming for impressionable children is morally reprehensible as far as I'm concerned. Let a child make an educated choice when they are older, when they can understand the consequences of having meat-free diets, when they realize they'll be taking supplements for the rest of their lives and eating what can only be described as a crap-load of legumes. Children won't understand those consequences. They aren't wired to 'get it'.

Now the following, despite their sexual nature, are still better representations of PETA's anti-animal-demise message:

The irony in this being that Paris Hilton would go naked for a quarter inch of a Klondike Bar.

Criminal #32 Yoplait "Can I get some chocolate covered sexism with that?"

2009-03-05T20:40:00.001-07:00

When? When, when, when, when will the sexism end? That's my new song. It's pretty catchy. It even sort of rhymes, which is amazing because I'm a woman and logically I shouldn't be able to get my mind off of either chocolate, shopping, or shopping for chocolates (in chocolate shoes apparently.)

Now, I love yogurt. I'm a huge yogurt person. It's tangy, and sweet, and smooth and so very delicious.

Yoplait makes yogurt un-delicious. Yoplait makes me want to take my chocolate handgun and go postal. There will be milk duds flying everywhere, strawberry carnage, blueberries massacred on the sidewalk.

Don't get me wrong, I'm sure a spa treatment would be awesome, and eating yogurt during said spa treatment would probably be... well, like eating yogurt during a spa treatment. Buy why, out of every possible activity imaginable, did Yoplait choose to show those two women in a spa? Ignoring for the fact that they couldn't get their heads off of the chocolatey goodness topic, why couldn't they have been discussing it while skydiving? Or rescuing hostages from a 1904 day old standoff in Israel? Or maybe, I don't know, in an office, doing a job like normal people? Or, and here's something that will absolutely blow. your. mind.

Why couldn't MEN have been enjoying that yogurt? I'll tell you why. Because society has made yogurt a health-conscious thing, and as we all know, women are far, far more health conscious than men, at least according to the advertising we see. Yes, there is absolutely no way yogurt would be considered a manly snack (Yoplait now in malt liquor flavor?) So of course, they had to bring in the women to enjoy the yogurt... while at the spa... discussing shoes...and chocolate... and something about marrying a masseuse, I don't know I was tuning it out by the end there.

Criminal #31 Pantene Pro V "...I'm sorry, what?"

2009-03-02T19:43:00.003-07:00

I'm sorry, what? I was distracted there for a second.

Criminals #29 and 30 Those Religious and Athiest Ads On Buses "Does Your Religion or Lack There Of Understand Hypocrisy?"

2009-03-02T18:46:00.000-07:00

First, let me get this straight... I can't add Religion or Atheism (whatever) to the list simply because it is a faith/belief and, to ask someone to give that up simply for this social experiment would be wrong. However, I am going to address something that caught my eye today. The hypocrisy of anyone spouting any religion, and Atheists.

Okay, okay, bare with me, this isn't going to be a "The Bible says that but then you do this" rant or "There is no God, science proves that" Rant. I don't care what you believe, or how you believe it. I, personally, think having a faith of some sort, in at least a minuscule amount can be good for a person which is why whenever anyone asks me what my religion is I always tell them that I believe in a higher power which is possibly a woman, or maybe a cat. I'm not sure.

However, just because you believe (or don't) in something doesn't mean you have the right to force others to believe (or not) in whatever it is. (Sorry, I'm listening to Hawksley Workman right now so my level of distraction is pretty high. And in case anyone is wondering, yes the concert was fantastic and I borrowed some money so I officially own all 10 of his albums. Yay me!)

While hunting on AdFreak (http://adweek.blogs.com/adfreak), my new favorite place to find advertisements, I noticed this bizarre number of Anti-Atheism and Anti-Religion ads being put out by the religious folks and atheists respectively. I wasn't going to pay much attention to, again, believe what you want. I don't necessarily think that either idea should be shoved down our throats, and I'd like to be able to walk down the street without being told I'm either wrong for believing whatever I do, or I'm going to hell because I don't believe enough. Sort of like Separation of Church and State I suppose.

However, when I opened up the local newspaper today I was hit by this headline: Atheist Bus Ads Hit Calgary (http://www.albertalocalnews.com/reddeeradvocate/news/provincial/Atheist_bus_ads_hit_Calgary.html)

Okay, yes, whatever you want. I guess if you have the money to waste then go right ahead but here's what caught my attention (it isn't shown on the Advocate website, I'm quoting from the Newspaper itself) this mini bolded byline:

Ron Collins, with Calgary Transit, said there will be six buses carrying the Freethought Association message for one month.

Um, okay? Key word there being Freethought. Naturally I assumed that was what I was doing when I decided that I wanted to believe in something but I guess maybe all those years of being brainwashed have finally come back to bite me in the asswaiddaminute.

This begs the question, are people, Atheists or Religious folks alike, really so thick that they can't notice their own hypocrisy? Yes, I'm aware there is lots of it throughout all religions, whatever.

Believe what you want people, I don't give a flying fuck. The important thing is to believe what you want and not be influenced by anyone, idiots at the so-called 'Freethought Association' or whoever. So that's my rant, I'm putting the Freethought Association on the list, also, mind control cults, because they make me laugh.
Kelti, if you are reading this, I still really, really want to infiltrate a cult one day, are you still game? (Wait, were you the one I suggested that to? You probably were because I think you're the only one crazy enough to go along with my bizarre schemes.)
And now, for some other Anti-Atheism and Anti-Religion ads for your enjoyment.

Criminal #28 Skittles ("Ah... awww...")

2009-03-01T16:34:00.001-07:00

This one made me think of my brother, Greg, who seems to have made it his life's mission to hunt down a cheaply made, mail order, Asian suit for 30 bucks. I don't think he's succeeded so far.

So let's examine this one for stupidity first, shall we?

Firstly, "Wait, I don't have..." No, sir, you do not have a package of Skittles in you're jacket pocket. You know what else you don't have? The genetic coding to make you Asian or African American, or Hispanic. I know this may comes as a shock to you but... well, you're whiter than Conan O'Brian's upper thighs, so really, the shock of having no Skittles shouldn't come as that big of a surprise to you.

Now, yes, I know, that was the point of the commercial. Oh haha, silly white man doesn't notice three separate reflections in the mirror but he does notice candy! Oh ha ha ha! Aaah. Yes, I get it, that doesn't mean it isn't stupid. Even getting passed the idiocy of that we have to look at the certain roles being played here.

1) White man getting a nicely tailored suit by kindly old Asian man. Three cheers for White Power? Personally, looking at it, I would have to say I would have found it a little more comical if it was an Asian man getting tailored (by anyone of any race) only to discover that he has A) No Skittles and B) is actually secretly a white man (perhaps Conan could have been free to play the reflective image?)

Getting passed the all other elasticities unobservant to the white man issue for a moment, (and ignoring the fact that the Hispanic guy and African American are all like, Meh, whateves man, I'm looking pretty spiffy in this new suit. Chshaaa.) We have, yet another commercial, stereotyping men as being idiots except where one of the three golden things come in (Food, fucking, and fast cars.) I guarantee you if it had been a woman standing there they would have made her freak out. "Jesus Christ, I-I'm black? Oh my god, over here I'm Hispanic!" And then she would have had a total melt down and it probably would have turned into an ad for Always or something like that.

The next stereotype? Asian freak out. We don't even know what they're saying but I can assume it is something along these lines.

"You are eating Skittles! Stop it!"
"I am a decendant of the Emperor, I can do what I want!"
"Skittles are not appropriate Emperor snacks!"
"My uncle was Bruce Lee! My Mother is Jackie Chan! I will cut you!" *Mirror smash*

Because, in case you haven't noticed, Asians have three stereotypes as well. They all know hand to hand combat and resort to that whenever an argument arises, they're all terrible drivers, and they're all math geniuses.

Don't blame me, that's what commercials have taught me, and this one certainly isn't showing me any different as far as numero uno goes.

So ask yourself this? What was it that the Asian reflection was the one freaking out? Why not the Hispanic one? Or the African American one? If you're thinking "because he speaks the same language as the shop keeper and it makes sense" ask yourself this, why is Conan O'Brian's White Upper thigh getting served by an Asian? Can he speak the language fluently? If so, why didn't he jump in when they started freaking out on each other? I certainly would if I was in between two people yelling at each other (especially if one knew how to kick like that.)

The biggest problem I have with this commercial is that it brings up too many questions. There are all these different things going on, tiny points that counter each other, leading me to think "So what the hell was the point of that?"

Yes, I'm all for "Reflecting the rainbow" or "Tasting the rainbow", whatever. But, um... Why? Just... just why, Skittles?

Criminal #27 ShamWow "They'll be saying 'SHAAAAAM'"

2009-03-01T16:13:00.001-07:00

(Hi Vince!)
So I'm sure I can't be the only person in the world absolutely sick to death of the ShamWow. Everywhere I go, with absolutely anyone I'm with, I hear the same thing. "Oh, have you tried the ShamWow? They're amazing!"

Well, I don't have a Shamwow handy to test, however I do have an abundance of internet claims as well as several testimonies and... eyes. (thanks to Fred Taub from Boycott somethingarathereIcan'trememberbutI'llgiveyoucreditwhenIdo for a lot of the points I would have missed if he hadn't mentioned them.)

First thing is first. What the hell is with the headset, dude? Who are you talking to? Oh my god, are you getting lines fed to you? Dear god, Vince has been brainwashed, for the love of god, we have to help him!

Okay, I'm good now. So you claim it is like a towel, eh? Like a shammy? Like a sponge? Quick, to the e-dictionary!
"Towel Definition: A cloth used for wiping, especially one used for drying anything wet, as the person after a bath. "

Okay, so assuming we're a little open minded here, and for the most part I am not when it comes to advertising (why do you listen to me then, hmm? Could it be because I make good points?!) Then along with cleaning up a spill of whatever, soda, water, what have you, the shamwow should also be totally badass when you step out of a bath, right?

From popularmechanics.com, a consumers claim about the shamwow "Drying off after a swim was an experience in exfoliation, with the Shamwow rubbing it in at about 220 grit. It was very light in the backpack on the way to the swimming hole, however. Caught in the rain, it can wipe you down from forehead to pant leg. And after a shower, it makes for a decent bath mat. In the kitchen, it's too coarse to use as a towel and too stiff to be a napkin, but it can scour a stovetop and it's not a bad place mat. On food spills, it works better on thinner liquids—wine, yes; tomato sauce, no. "

So basically if I want the spa experience of a life time, as well as no outer layer of skin, then yes, the shamwow would make for an awesome bath towel, just so we can clarify.

Next... "The Germans always make good stuff." Yeah, that Nazi Party was pretty badass.

Okay, now for the infamous Cola-coffee-human fluid tests. Watch the cartpet *very* carefully. Take note of the shape of the stain. I know you're thinking "But Kathleen, a liquid would spread on some kind of carpeting." Okay, yes, except the liquid has CLEARLY totally sunken through and leeched onto the table, as we can see with the lovely mess Vince is making. Are you ready?

When he lifts that piece of carpeting up at around the 00:42 mark, that liquid concoction is everywhere, I mean that table is a sticky mess of human recess and month old cola (probably taken out of my fridge, seeing as how he never specifically said Pepsi or Coke. The generic stuff is just as good, people! Trust me!)

Following the frame where he puts the carpet back down (00:46) something very interesting has happened. Why, what's that? Where's that sticky mess that was leeching out from beneath the carpet swatch moments ago? That's right, there is absolutely no mess under that carpet. So what did they do? They cleaned it up, maybe they used a shamwow for it, maybe they didn't (betting on the latter) but either way, their whole case for the shamwow has just been broken.

Not to mention the size of the stain, and the shape varies from camera cut to camera cut, and I don't mean it's just gotten bigger. The size of the fairly tiny stain grows surprisingly fast and then magically disappears by the time Vince is ready to show us the awesome power of the ShamWow! Oh my god, the sheer thought power of the ShamWow has already begun the absorbtion process, it's a miracle!

Final word: Just a sham, check out the complaintsboard for a few testimonies:
http://www.complaintsboard.com/complaints/shamwow-c146576.html

Remember to beware of imitators, they're called rags and you can make them out of old t-shirts that have been ripped, which... I guess would actually make more sense than spending the money on an entirely new product that is pretty pointless.
Seriously though, what is with the head set? He has one in the Slap Chop infomercial too. Where the hell are they coming from?

Criminal #26- RBC Royal Bank of Canada "Where's my money, mother f*ckers?"

2009-02-27T17:08:00.001-07:00

I'm sure some of you remember my lovely rant about Banks last year when I first began working at HMV and tried to get a new account with BMO. That was one of my finer moments, I have to say -- oh well shit, they just called me back and they were very cordial... but that doesn't change a damn thing! *angry face*.

So here's how it went down. Me, started new job at La Senza (yes, I'm aware of the irony of me working at a lingerie store.) Me, get blank check from bank for direct deposit. Bank, give check. Me work like a bunny, get first pay stub. Me, going to awesome concert tomorrow, having lost bank card, go to bank today to get new card so I can buy hot clothes for concert.

Me, have no money.

Me: WTF? I got paid last week, I only spent $15 bucks out of the check! Wth?! Nice bank associate, tells me to stop weeping, shows me bank account history. Me, thank god, no one has stolen money from account, I just didn't get paid.

Wait, what?

Me, gets angry, goes to work, politely points out issue to nice boss. Nice Boss, examines new papers and old papers and discovers... Dun dun duuuuun, the bank gave me the wrong transit number, so currently someone on the east coast has my money. I have to go back in tomorrow to get the cash back (yaaaaay) but thanks to weekend banking I won't have the money officially until Monday, which is two days too late for me to buy cds at the Hawksley Workman concert.

Thanks a lot Royal Bank. I appreciate you getting back to me so quickly but I think maybe someone needs to work on the system a little bit more. That's my mini rant for now, I've got some stuff I'll post later tonight.

Also, I totally found my old bank card the minute I got home, go me.

Criminal #25 Always "Have a happy shut the hell up"

2009-02-23T19:10:00.000-07:00

Much like the post-its, this is one that I can actually use, or not use as the case may be. Any girl out there will tell you that Always is the brand of choice when it comes to 'sanitary pads' for that special time of month. They are, incidently, also a Procter & Gamble product (beginning to see a trend here...)

And the chances are if you're a girl and you have email or access to the internet you've received the following forward:

From: "Doris ____" <*******@hotmail.com>To: Date: Thu, 22 Mar 2007
23:21:15 +0000Subject: ACTUAL LETTER TO PROCTOR AND GAMBLEACTUAL LETTER TO
PROCTOR AND GAMBLE This is a letter written to one of the top executives at
Proctor and Gamble. Means a bit more to the gals than the guys.Dear Mr.
Thatcher,I have been a loyal user of your Always maxi pads for over 20 years and
I appreciate many of their features. Why, without the LeakGuard Core(tm) or
Dri-Weave(tm) absorbency, I'd probably never go horseback riding or salsa
dancing, and I'd certainly steer clear of running up and down the beach in
tight, white shorts. But my favourite feature has to be your revolutionary
Flexi-Wings. Kudos on being the only company smart enough to realize how crucial
it is that maxi pads be aerodynamic. I can't tell you how safe and secure I feel
each month knowing there's a little F-16 in my pants. Have you ever had a
menstrual period, Mr. Thatcher? Ever suffered from "the curse"? I'm guessing you
haven't. Well, my ‘time of the month’ is starting right now. As I type, I can
already feel hormonal forces violently surging through my body. Just a few
minutes from now, my body will adjust and I'll be transformed into what my
husband likes to call "an inbred hillbilly with knife skills." Isn't the human
body amazing? As Branch Manager in the Feminine-hygiene Division, you've no
doubt seen quite a bit of research on what exactly happens during your
customers' monthly visits from "Aunt Flo". Therefore, you must know about the
bloating, puffiness, and cramping we endure, and about our intense mood swings,
crying jags, and out-of-control behaviour. You surely realize it's a tough time
for most women. In fact, only last week, my friend Jennifer fought the violent
urge to shove her boyfriend's testicles into a George Foreman Grill just because
he told her he thought Grey's Anatomy was written by drunken chimps. Crazy! The
point is, sir, you of all people must realize that America is just crawling with
homicidal maniacs in Capri pants... which brings me to the reason for my
letter.Last month, while in the throes of cramping so painful I wanted to reach
inside my body and yank out my uterus, I opened an Always maxi-pad, and there,
printed on the adhesive backing, were these words: "Have a Happy Period"."Are
you f…..g kidding me?" What I mean is, does any part of your tiny middle-manager
brain really think happiness - actual smiling, laughing happiness - is possible
during a menstrual period? Did anything mentioned above sound the least bit
pleasurable? Well, did it, James? FYI, unless you're some kind of sick S&M
freak girl, there will never be anything "happy" about a day in which you have
to jack yourself up on Motrin and Kahlua and lock yourself in your house just so
you don't march down to the local Walgreen's armed with a hunting rifle and a
sketchy plan to end your life in a blaze of glory.For the love of God, pull your
head out, man! If you just have to slap a moronic message on a maxi pad,
wouldn't it make more sense to say something that's actually pertinent, like
"Put Down the Hammer" or "Vehicular Manslaughter Is Wrong", or are you just
picking on us? Sir, please inform your Accounting Department that, effective
immediately, there will be an $8 drop in monthly profits, for have chosen to
take my maxi-pad business elsewhere. And though I will certainly miss your
Flex-Wings, I will not for one minute miss your brand of condescending bullshit.
And that's a promise I will keep... Always.Best,Wendy ____ Austin TX

Thank you, Wendy, wherever you are. Everytime I get that forward it makes me smile. So I guess my issue with this one is obvious. Have a happy period? A happy period? Ummm kay, no. If by happy you mean curl into a ball and cry on the couch with half a dozen heating pads and a bottle of ibeuprofan then... yes, I will have a happy period, thank you. See, now if P&G was making some kind of ibeuprofan-period related product that magically makes your cramps vanish, then yes, I'd say go right ahead and tell us to have happy periods. Seeing as how they're making sticky pads that absorb our life fluids the happiness is null and void.

Oh but wait, I have more. Guess what P&G has had issues with in the past? Go on, it's period related. If you thought Toxic Shock Syndrome, you'd be right. We all remember those grade nine health class lectures (by our art teacher of all people) who warned you never to keep the tampon in for more than two hours because of Toxic Shock Syndrome, that permenently put me off of using the product (which is why no longer buying Always is going to prove to be interesting.)

For those of you unaware, here's some background on TSS (straight from the CDC website)

Clinical Features
Toxic shock syndrome (TSS) is characterized by sudden onset of fever, chills, vomiting, diarrhea, muscle aches and rash. It can rapidly progress to severe and intractable hypotension and multisystem dysfunction. Desquamation, particularly on the palms and soles can occur 1-2 weeks after onset of the illness.
Etiologic Agent
Usually exotoxin producing strains of Staphylococcus aureus, a bacterium.
Incidence
In the United States, annual incidence is 1-2/100,000 women 15-44 years of age (last active surveillance done in 1987).
Sequelae
5% of all cases are fatal.
Transmission
S. aureus commonly colonizes skin and mucous membranes in humans. TSS has been associated with use of tampons and intravaginal contraceptive devices in women and occurs as a complication of skin abscesses or surgery.
Risk Groups
Menstruating women, women using barrier contraceptive devices, persons who have undergone nasal surgery, and persons with postoperative staphylococcal wound
infections.
Surveillance
National surveillance is conducted through the National ElectronicTelecommunications System for Surveillance (NETSS). The last active surveillance was in 1987 in four states with a total population of 12 million.
Challenges
To describe the current epidemiology of TSS in the United States by conducting
active surveillance. To better define the risk factors of nonmenstrual TSS to
design prevention strategies.
And now, from Wiki's article on P&G controversies:
Toxic shock syndrome and tampons
Toxic shock syndrome (TSS) is a disease caused by strains of the bacteria Staphylococcus aureus. Most people have these bacteria living in their bodies as harmless commensals in places such as the nose, skin, and vagina. The disease can strike anyone, not only women, but the disease is often associated with tampons. In 1980, 814 menstrual-related TSS cases were reported; 38 deaths resulted from the disease. The majority of women in these cases were documented as using super-absorbent synthetic tampons, particularly the Rely tampon created by Procter and Gamble.[20] The Rely tampon was so super-absorbent that one by itself could in fact hold one woman's entire menstrual period. Unlike other tampons made of cotton and rayon, Rely used carboxymethylcellulose and compressed beads of polyester for absorption. The materials used in Rely were causing an increase in the thickness of fluid inside the vagina, resulting in more toxins being released.
The slogan Procter and Gamble used for the product was "Rely. It even absorbs the worry."
In the summer of 1980 the Centers for Disease Control released a report explaining how these bacterial mechanisms were leading to TSS. They also stated that the Rely tampon was associated with TSS more than any other brand of tampon. In September 1980, Procter and Gamble voluntarily recalled its Rely brand of tampons from the market and agreed to provide for a program to notify consumers. Since the 1980s, reported cases of TSS have dramatically decreased[21].
I think the last line is my favorite. Way to go, P&G, maybe you should just... I don't know, stop making things? Like... anything at all.
So next time someone tells you to have a 'Happy Period' tell them this, "Thanks, I will, right after I either succomb to toxic shock syndrome or kick your ass."

Criminal #24 CoverGirl "Easy, Breezy, Not Hot Enough, CoverGirl"

2009-02-19T17:34:00.001-07:00

First a bit of history, CoverGirl is a cosmetic line owned by Procter & Gamble (who you're going to be seeing a lot of on this blog over the next little while.) The main competition to CoverGirl is generally considered to be Maybelline, which is owned by the L'Oreal folks (A brief overview of my makeup kit confirms I have no CoverGirl junk, thank god.)

Let's start with the commercial. Let me say right off the bat, I love Ellen Degeneres. Everyone in the world should feel comfortable enough to dance, dance, dance away without being shy and she does it every day on her show. Mad Props. I was going to use the new commercial she's done for the CoverGirl Simply Ageless makeup as my main point but then I wiki'd CoverGirl and clicked some links and learned some interesting stuff. This is not to bash Ellen in any way, this is a CoverGirl issue, not an Ellen issue. It just so happens she's the one reading the script.

"Inner beauty is important, but not nearly as important as outer beauty."

Wait-whu?

Don't get your knickers in a twist, kids. I'm trained in the art of sarcasm. Unfortunately this didn't really come off in such a way that I thought "Oh hey, Ellen's being funny! She really means outer beauty isn't important at all!" Which, you know, would explain why she's doing a makeup commercial.

It seems to me that CoverGirl is behind on the times. Someone should let them know that Anti-Aging isn't the 'in' thing anymore. Ageism is so huge in our society, god forbid we go through the natural course of life and enjoy it! No, no, we can't show laugh lines, wrinkles, crows feet, whatever you want to call them, because that means we're old. God forbid we get old and.. gasp! eventually die.

But okay, maybe this was just a poor choice on Ellen's part. Maybe CoverGirl is like an ostrich and had it's head in the sand since 2004, thus explaining why they haven't heard of Dove's very popular "Campaign for Real Beauty" and "Pro-Age" products. Personally, I'm a huge supporter of Dove. Not only is their soap a great facial cleanser (believe it or not, it's recommended quite often by doctors) but they seem to be the first cosmetic/beauty related corporation to have realized that "Hey, maybe all these ads are promoting negative views of women. Maybe we need to be rethinking how we sell ourselves." Bravo, Dove, for taking the first step, and shame on you CoverGirl, for not realizing that people don't want to STOP aging, they just want to age properly (which they can do by using the fine products by Dove. How d'you like them product placements?)

So there's my issue with the commercial itself. Time to do a bit of backtracking on CoverGirl. As I stated before, it is an offshoot off Procter & Gamble, who make such fine products as Always, Duracell, TAG, Pampers, Gillette, Bounty and much, much more. I'm torn here whether I could just put Procter & Gamble on the list (see below for my reasons why) or stick with CoverGirl. I think for now I'll stick with just the cosmetics, but I'm going to be paying closer attention to the commercials of the other P&G products. Always is treading a thin line as it is.

Anyways, back to my point. CoverGirl is a sponsor of America's Next Top Anorexic Paperdoll, sorry, I meant Top Model. My bad.

"But Kathleen," you say, "Don't you just have issues with the modelling industry? Aren't you being picky again? Isn't this just a personal vendetta?"

Once more I will remind you, angry readers, that the point of this blog is to be picky. However, I will acknowledge the point. So let's ignore the sponsorship of a wholly unhealthy show that twists the reality surrounding 'real beauty' and examine a few P&G scandals.

For the sake of simplicity, I'm leaving out the P&G Satanic Symbol issue, check out the Wiki article on it for further details. (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Procter_%26_Gamble#Logo_controversy)

In 2006, PERI (Political Economy Research Institute) released The Toxic 100, a list of the top 100 most toxic corporations according to their Toxic Scores taken in 2002. P&G is there at number 52 (http://www.peri.umass.edu/Toxic-100-Table.265.0.html). Now someone clarify, why would anyone wanting to defy the laws of nature and age backwards or whatever, want to support a corporation that contributes to the current woes of the planet and thus the health of millions or people, thereby effecting the health of peoples skin? Yes, it might be a bit of a long connection, not exactly six small steps, but it's worth questioning isn't it? If we as a society are so concerned about not aging, why support a corporation whose actions will effectively make us look weathered beyond our years?

Up next, animal testing. Feel free to boo and hiss at this point. Now I, for one, have never understood the concept of animal testing. Yes, they test on animals to ensure it is safe for humans, but last time I checked I wasn't a fuzzy bunny, and the time before that I checked, my neighbours rabbit wasn't putting on a layer of eyeshadow and some lipstick for a night on the town. Psst, P&G, I don't know if you've noticed but... humans and animals have slightly different genes. I know what you're thinking, "If we don't test on animals, how will we know it's safe for humans?" How about we test on humans? No? That doesn't float your boat? Then why the hell is it all right for us to test on animals? What gives anyone the right to produce something, be it makeup or perfume, whatever, and test it on animals? Stand behind your product. You think it's safe? Then test it on yourself? No one, absolutely no one, has the right to shove off a product onto some creature; why ask someone or something to make a sacrifice that you yourself are not willing to make? Further more, cutting out the step of testing on animals and instead testing on humans means getting results that the scientists behind the products can actually use immediately. It's like cutting out the middleman on some sort of shady deal.

By cutting out the animal testing and reverting to testing on people a team of scientists would see results they could apply. They'd understand the effect their product would have on people immediately. It would save them from testing on a rabbit, thinking "oh hey the rabbit isn't dying, it must be safe." mass producing only to realize it gives people a rash and forcing a major recall. Production would go faster, allowing for the amount of production time to be cut back. Hey, P&G, I just solved that nasty Toxic problem you have.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not some PETA fanatic, but I can see where they come from on the issues of some animal testing. There's a difference between testing something important (life altering drugs) and something pointless (CoverGirl). The problem is PETA considers the matter to be black and white, you're either for animal testing or against it.

For more on P&G's animal testing click http://www.pandgkills.com/main.html

So I guess my big point with all this P&G stuff is that we as a society don't really realize who we're supporting. I had no idea CoverGirl was a P&G offshoot until I decided to do this post, nor did I realize Always (my brand of choice up till now) was one of their products or anything else I listed. Here we are supporting corporations left, right, and center. Of course we can't help it, we have to buy certain things to survive, but with a bit of extra research we can delve into who we're buying from and we might just find not everything is as peachy keen as we like to believe. Supporting this corporation or that doesn't define who you are, nonetheless who you choose to support can have a huge impact on your life. You may just find that the more you support someone life P&G, the more worse off the planet gets. And trust me, in a few years you're concerns won't be whether you're age-defying or what have you. You'll be glad you lived long enough to age at all.

Criminal #23 Twilight "Hey Stephenie Meyer, is your fridge running? YOU SHOULD PROBABLY GO CATCH IT!"

2009-02-06T16:03:00.000-07:00

(This goes out to all my friends at http://www.twilightsucks.com/

So I'll admit, this is a personal bias. I hate Twilight, almost as much as I hate Clive Cussler (and boy do I hate Cussler.) I'm not sure what it is about it... Oh wait, yes I do. Sexism, questionable morals, crude writing, mary sues, purple prose and what's this? Oh yeah! A sparkling fucking vampire. What. The. Fuck?

However, seeing as I didn't want to use this "experiment" as a personal weapon, I ignored it. (Incidently I have not bought post-its in over a year and a half!) However, a recent post at Twilightsucks caught my attention. (Thank you thoughtbubble for posting it.)

The topic was brought up regarding the Twilightmoms forums. Now, I'm all for free speech, do whatever you want, what do I care? As long as no one is hurt in the process we're cool. But the information posted on the "About" page changed everything.
And I quote:

DO YOU THINK YOU ARE THE ONLY ONE whose life turned upside down when you read
Twilight? Is your house a disaster with piles of piles of laundry in every
corner and stacks of dirty dishes at record breaking heights? Have you imagined
your husband is a vampire (or werewolf) and suddenly have the libido of newlywed
again? Do you convince yourself that "cold cereal" makes a perfectly wholesome
dinner? Is the pizza delivery boy now on your Christmas card list? Are your
children free to run a muck as long as no one comes too you bleeding . . .(too
badly)? Oh, you feel guilty, but that's not enough! You still can't tear
yourself away from the book and damned be the consequences! The good new is- YOU
ARE NOT ALONE! Fans of the Twilight Series in OUR STAGE of life (whether you're
a mom or not) now have a place where we can gather unashamed of our irrational
obsession with vampires and werewolves. We have a place where "our kind" can
relate without having to wade through all the teenage Internet code mumbo jumbo
like "OMG!!! IMHO Edward is sooo Hawt!!!" (usually a dead giveaway that you
should be doing your social studies homework for 3rd period instead of playing
on the computer.) FYI, it was a group of 14/15 year olds that "changed" me.
However, OUR world of balancing family, work, home, marriage AND...our Twilight
obsession is unique, fun, and oh, so very humorous. The personal stories and
experiences I've heard and read from women all over the world are a blast. YOU
LADIES ROCK!!! ...and "Twilight Moms" is dedicated to YOU!!! Enjoy this little
corner of the Internet that is just for us. Explore the web site, keep up with breaking news
and join the forum.

End quote

Okay, where to begin? First off, let's revisit what I have been trying to get through the thick skulls of the internet for some time now.

MOM'S. You are NOT, I repeat, NOT defined by your house keeping skills. You are half of a relationship (for the most part, I'm aware there are single moms and dads out there, mad props to you folk because I come from a single parent household myself.) It is not your sole responsibility to ensure the house is kept up, laundry gets done, food is on the table, and so on and so forth. Believe it or not, your partner has some degree of responsibility too! So NO, Twilight is NOT an excuse for your children running amuck or whatever, that's shoddy parenting through and through.

Now maybe if you were reading something thrilling like say, a Gregg Hurwitz novel, or something by Tess Gerritsen, I could understand but for the love of god has anyone actually READ Twilight and dissected it? (Okay, I haven't read it completely, but I've read enough...) It's like candy for your brain! A gripping tale of forbidden love between a girl and some guy who sparkles a shit load is not exciting literature!

And don't get me started on the attitude of Stephenie Meyer who is apparently convinced that she is the Queen of the Vampires and can do no wrong. Being a writer means accepting critique for what it is, a helpful way to get YOU to improve your work which could possibly, in theory, not be half bad if you worked on it and listened to what your critics are saying! But no, it's like she clamps hands over her ears and goes "LALALALA I can heeeeaaaar you!"

I wonder if she heard the recent criticism Stephen King had to say about her? Or is the internet censored for her to protect her fragile ego?

I'm sorry but something just isn't adding up about Twilightmoms. Of course I can't judge them, because I would have to judge myself first (I'm very opinionated, oops!) But someone, for the love of god, someone has got to get through to these, I'm sure, very intelligent women that being a mom is not about staying home and being barefoot and preggers in the kitchen! Mom's can work too, so where's the Twilightdad forum? Oh right, they're busy sitting on the couch drinking beer and watching the game. I mean, they must be right? They are if the world is one giant stereotype.

PS: Meyer. Vampires do not sparkle, Wuthering Heights is better than your crap, Bella is irritating as all fuck, and the world does not revolve around your very swollen head.

Here are some SMeyer quotes to tickle your fancy:

"I never write messages. I always write things that entertain me."

(Not surprising, that says a lot about what entertains you.)

"WHAT IF... What if true love left you? Not some ordinary high school romance,
not some random jock boyfriend, not anyone at all replaceable. True love. The
real deal. Your other half, your true soul's match. What happens if he
leaves?The answer is different for everyone. Juliet had her version, Marianne
Dashwood had hers, Isolde and Catherine Earnshaw and Scarlett O'Hara and Anne
Shirley all had their ways of coping.I had to answer the question for Bella.
What does Bella Swan do when true love leaves her? Not just true love, but
Edward Cullen! None of those other heroines lost an Edward (Romeo was a hothead,
Willoughby was a scoundrel, Tristan had loyalty issues, Heathcliff was pure
evil, Rhett had a mean streak and cheated with hookers, and sweet Gilbert was
much more of a Jacob than an Edward). So what happens when True Love in the form
of Edward Cullen leaves Bella?"

(And what gives her the right to question those other "true loves" when her male protagonist is a stalker and possessive?)

"But I can't read other people's vampires. If it's too close [to my writing], I
get upset; if it's too far away, I get upset. It just makes me very neurotic."

(Wait, could you please direct me to ANY vampire EVER that is even REMOTELY like The Cullings, sorry, Cullens?)

"The worst I can remember happened at my appearance in Toronto. A girl (who must
have sat in line all day to get the seat she had) asked during the Q&A how I
could write such an antifeminist main character and if I wasn't ashamed of
myself for letting young girls read my misogynist works. I don't get that. I
mean, I've gotten that question from reporters and seen it online various
places, and I think I can defend myself ably. What I don't get is why you would
come out to a signing for an author you hated, let alone stand out in the cold
all day to get in. People are odd. "

(You think you can defend yourself? Then DO IT.)

"I don't think my books qualify to be Oprah books. I think you have to take on
bigger issues than Vampire/Werewolf love to make her interested. I don't have
any incest, adultery, spousal abuse, mental disease, molestation, anorexia, suicide, cutting, etc. Which is why I won't ever get the Printz
award either."

(I'm sorry, did you READ your second book? Oh wait, I get it. Attempting suicide is okay as long as the character doesn't go through with it. Great message, Meyer.)

For those of you wondering how to join the BaD protest, especially with our first author (and that's up for debate) on the list... Don't buy the books, don't buy the merch (tee shirts, pencils, whatever) and may I suggest you start researching Meyer in a bit more detail.

Please stop writing and start reading, Smeyer, and then once you're done reading, process the information and ask yourself "Does that sound like cheap fanfiction? Do I seem like I'm dry humping a thesaurus?"

The answer is yes, Meyer, yes you do.

Criminal #22 Diesel Jeans "If it weren't a sickle I might find it enticing..."

2008-12-17T11:02:00.000-07:00

So firstly, I'm sorry I've been gone. November was NaNoWriMo (I won! Wooot) and then I just just (five days ago) had back surgery so not only am I drugged up, jobless, and in pain, I've got some vengeance to dole out and YES you, old job, you're going to be very soon, very, very soon. However for now we have a bit of change, folks. Today's little piece of disturbing advertising shows something a bit new, mainly violence against men. Now traditionally we don't end up seeing much crap like this, I guess because in the eyes of ad execs. it's usually done "tastefully" (snort). I'm not quite sure what is tasteful about the following, maybe you can help me:

Ookay, so what do we have here? Girl on top of boy dressed in cowboy-esque attire, guy clearly enjoying something, and a sickle.

A sickle.

So, it might just be the drugs talking but I think, I think that sickle is supposed to represent a whip. Obviously the woman is enjoying herself and not really considering what is going to happen in 3.4 seconds when she goes to slap him and make him move faster (arterial spray is fast, maybe that's what they're going for?)

Like I said, violence towards men isn't exactly common and when you do see it, generally it is more of a kinky sort of thing which makes the weaker of both sexes go Oo and I guess titter a bit but the problem is glorifying violence against either gender is wrong. Of course women are commonly viewed as the weaker sex (because we, as you know, just have the ability to push cat sized objects through spaces as big as a garden hose. Thank you Cindal for that. ;)) And because we're viewed as 'weaker' we are for the most part, on the receiving side of the violence in the media, so when you see something like that with a guy about to get... I don't even really know, for the most part we don't bat an eye.

Is our world really so boring that those in charge with coming up with these ideas can't think of anything else apart from violence? I get that we're surrounded by it, and the fact that today's youth is for the most part desensitized towards it certainly helps make their case, but I don't know, somehow wearing a pair of pants that would get me killed by a sickle really isn't that enticing... Maybe that's just me.

In other news:

I'm really drugged up right now, all happy hospital drugs of course, but the years (because this is the 5th time I've done this) has taught me that I can't actually really spell or form coherent sentences when on them, so I apologize for the above post.

Seeing as how the year is coming to an end (hard to believe) I've decided I'm extending my plan. Anyone taking part (hi mom!) doesn't have to continue with me, but the fact that I haven't bought post it notes for a whole year and I HAVEN'T gone into cardiac arrest is a good reason to continue. So New Years Eve is going to be filled with a giant rant about the above place of work, and New Years Day I will present a series of some of the more and less offensive (for obvious reasons) photos I can locate without large explanations, they'll be added to the list, which should help get this new year rolling (one of them is Lego, fyi.)

Criminals #19, 20, 21 "I'm talking Hitler eating a pony and brushing his teeth with a kitten evil"

2008-10-17T19:02:00.000-06:00

This one goes out to all you kids who go partying. Here's me, encouraging you to try something else because the following beers are now on notice (once again, sorry Stephen T. Colbert)

Coors Light:

I'm sorry, since when has being a total scumbag been attractive? you do realize that if either of the sisters found out you were dating both of them you would incur the wrath of TWO females. And trust me, the bond of sisterhood is a hell of a lot stronger than your pipes.

Bud Light:

It's a sad, sad day when fun can only be obtained by drinking. You know how me and my friends have fun? It's starts with a little line that goes something like this: "Did I tell you my friend Tom has Ebola?"

I digress. Not only does this ad suggest booze is needed for fun, look at the ages of the four (and a half) people, they can't be any older than probably 25. So Bud is pandering to what they believe must be the lowest common denominator, after all, all of us under 25 are too thick to realize we're being manipulated...Or are we?

Molson Canadian (Light and normal):

This is just disgusting. Did you know a total of 981 people died in drunk driving related crashes in 2000 (in Canada) source: http://www.safety-council.org/info/traffic/impaired/stats.html
It's bad enough that the company is mixing the subconscious idea of drinking with the in-your-face idea of death, MADD was probably having a field day. To me there are some things that just shouldn't mix, ideas that just shouldn't be put together in an effort to promote...whatever. Drinking and death are two of those things.
You know when else there's plenty of time to sleep? Between 10 pm and 7 am. Awesome.

Images courtesy of http://www.apolnet.ca/arapo/galleries/sample-q.html The three were only among a few images of alcohol related ads that appeared in the Ontario region and violated the Liquor Advertising Guidelines, also something worth taking a look at.

It's not that I have an issue with drinking (friends will tell you I don't do it often, which is true, but not because I'm against it) What I have an issue with is the glorification of something that can have such terrible results. Ignore the health problems like liver failure and look at it on a personal level; binges that leave you isolated from your family, or worse, injuring them, all because you can't control yourself. Anything in moderation is fine, but the fact is as a society we're too idiotic to realize the mistakes we're making until it's too late. Until we can control ourselves and our habits, 'engaging' ads like those need to be reevaluated and possibly even removed from the public. It sucks that we're so easily brainwashed, but what can you do apart from becoming more aware?

Criminal #18 Absolut Vodka "Daddy loves you very much, NOW SHUT UP"

2008-09-17T18:13:00.000-06:00

I had this big plan to do a tribute to the nerds in advertising buuuut as it turns out I couldn't find any that weren't degrading. I guess the idea of "sexy" and "hot" created by the media is now the only sort of man available. Instead I stumbled on this beauty, and hey! We don't focus on the food industry nearly enough so take a look at this:

Classy, to say the least. Let's forget for a moment that alcoholism is a big problem in North America, heck, let's ignore the whole issue of drunk driving. Let's focus on what this image is saying to us:

Family + Vodka = good times for all! Never in all my years would I associate a happy family with vodka, any liquor for that matter. Absolut Welcome? Sure, as long as you bring booze, because if this family isn't boozed up for the holiday season they become impossible to deal with. When did 'family' get so hard that we had to start drinking to deal with it? More importantly, when did it become acceptable to use the concept of 'family' to sell vodka? It's like using children in an ad for erotic toys. They don't mix, they shouldn't mix, and if they ever do, people should be up in arms about it.

More than anything I think it's disgusting that we just sort of shrug this sort of thing off. Now, I'm not the sort of person that get's riled up about 'The state of today's family system.' Sure, family is great, as long as they're sane and love each other. I don't think it should matter who is in the family, or who makes up the family, as long as they're happy. However, I will not deny that there certainly is a problem these days, divorce rates are high, and it seems like the only way parents feel they can get their kids through it is with drugs or therapy. Whatever happened to family meetings? To sitting down and discussing the issues at hand? Well I guess "daddy's having an affair" doesn't exactly spark a happy family, especially when mom is drowning her sorrows in Absolut and the kids are too drugged up to notice.

Stick to sex, Absolut. You've got no place in a family.

Criminal #17 Mac "No this isn't personal. It's more like...ah hell, it's personal"

2008-09-13T20:00:00.001-06:00

So I thought about today's post being a tribute to all the nerdy guys used in ads buuuuuut I couldn't find any (wait for tomorrows update to learn more) and instead I went searching for one of those "Get a Mac" ads I had seen long ago where, unbeknownst to the Mac consumers, Apple basically calls their supporters dumb.

Now I'll admit, I didn't hop on the Mac/Apple bandwagon, mostly because I got sick of my brother trying to convince me that his Mac was quite simply the greatest creation since sliced bread. I'm all for having an OS that works for you, but like your religion, or your politics, don't try to force it on me. Hearing day after day how fantastic your Mac is doesn't make me want to buy one. It makes me want to break your jaw, snap your Mac over my knee and then ram its circuit board down your gullet until you're excreting bits of ram in your pants. My favorite moment during our Mac VS PC battle (and believe me, there were many battles) came when I was burning a cd onto my writing computer Gracie. The only thing that makes her remotely unique is that she isn't actually connected to the internet, so burning with windows media player means that I have to manually put in all the artist info myself instead of letting the internet do it. So the brother unit comes into my room, essentially points and laughs and says "If you had a Mac, you wouldn't have to do that." "No" I reply, "I would, because Gracie isn't connected to the internet. Did you think a bunch of intelligent pixies live inside your computer and constantly update your cd info when you don't have a wifi connection?" I didn't actually say that but he got my point. He also didn't believe that I could get artist info like he could on his itunes. I'm not sure WHY he thought I couldn't get it, but news flash: I can.

Anyways, back to my point. You might miss it, and again it is more of a nit-picky detail, but Apple has essentially just called its consumers "simple" (as well as intuitive, but I don't think your Mac is going to be able to give you a heads up when you have to go to the bathroom anymore than a PC so there goes that arguement." Since when has it been a compliment to be called simple? The human brain is a miracle if ever one existed, synapses, electrons buzzing around, all that grey matter that is so particular that the slightest injury can alterate for the rest of a persons life. What's simple about that? Oh sure, I'll just run out to the brain store and buy a new one, after all, my brain is exactly like the brain of that homeless guy down the street with the leaky eye... oh wait, no it isn't. That's right I'm a unique person and my brain is completely uniqie to me (unless I have an identical twin floating around that no one told me about).

The problem isn't that Apple used the term 'simple' to describe its consumers; it's the fact that they got away with it and no one seemed to notice. Everyone says "oh yeah, it's cute. Jon from the Daily Show is awesome lolz." Are we really so blind that we can be insulted every day by the very corporations that are running our lives? They get away with tasteless (and may I add over-down) crap like this because we're a passive community, we've absolutely given up.

Screw you "Get a Mac" I want that stoned Ellen chick back.

Criminal #16: Colgate "For those of you with no teeth, please disregard."

2008-09-06T09:44:00.000-06:00

It's been a while, but I'm back and as bitchy as ever (not in the stereotypical female is bitchy oo what a suprise sort of way.)

So it turns out all you have to do is type in "Bad Advertising" into google and you find a goldmine. Some of them inappropriate because of sexuality, some of it bad for the type of humor used. Today's is a latter; lets keep in mind that the point of this blog, this social experiment if you will, is to be stubborn, picky, petty even. The points don't have to be good, they don't even have to make sense. The ads should just irk you.

Without further ado I give you...

Nondecript Elderly Indian Person With No Teeth

What... the hell Colgate? Seriously, is there anything more insulting to a human being? That's like buying a blind person a Picasso, or giving a deaf man a lost Led Zeppelin recording. There are some things that just aren't appropriate. I'm sure Colgate just thought it was pithy, that the irony was going to be great.

You want some irony Colgate? What good is toothpaste when there's no food to eat?

Criminal #15: Energizer "Viagra also makes it keep going and going..."

2008-07-24T20:09:00.000-06:00

Every so often you run into one of those commercials that makes you go "Naah?" and then shift awkwardly in your seat. It's a bit like being a teenage boy and watching Juno with your mum, or so I'm led to believe from several teenage boy sources. This would be one of those ads, for me at least, mostly for the subtle suggestive ideas that arise when you really think about it.

So let's look at it shall we? (clicky clicky for a bigger piccy) So we've got to very bored little uns' a girl and a boy, observe the boys penis. A new fascination to be sure, and I'm sure tiny, probably about the size of an energizer battery.

You see the first issue I have isn't that it's two kids looking at the penis, it's the fact that this ad makes me think about just what they're thinking about. Dirty, dirty pictures in my head. Sexuality and youth are (I'd say) the two strongest weapons advertisers have on their size, and this certainly isn't the first time they've been mixed together. A few Johnson & Johnson baby ads come to mind that I'll have to hunt down later.

Next, to the more subtle elements. Okay, actually, only one. Wait no, two, but I already mentioned the battery in comparison to penis size so that ones out. Look in the top left hand corner where Energizer has slapped their name and cute little catch phrase. "Never let their toys die" Yeah, and we all know what you mean by toys, right? Some may think that's the paranoia speaking but I guarantee you that is exactly the reference these advertisers were trying to make. Don't believe me? What little toy do you see in the boy? A wand, right? One of those little light-up jobbies that you can wave around and be amused by. Why a wand? Why not a Rubix cube? A Transformer? A Gameboy? A set of blocks that can be used to teach your child letters? Hell, a teddy bear would have been just as good, oh right, but that doesn't use batteries.

Let me give you a mathematical equation to chew on

Batteries = Viagra for kids.

Energizer, I have no pithy phrase to tell you I think you're scum and whatnot. So, yeah, not going and going anymore are you? Yeah, take that.

Criminal #14: PUMA "That's...not hummas on your leg, is it?"

2008-07-21T17:21:00.000-06:00

I've got to give props to Je at FFWA for putting it in her sig, or else I probably would have never run across it.

Yeah... This one is pretty self explanatory, isn't it?

EDIT: Self explanatory and yet, I just have to point a few things out. I get in the fashion world, somehow dressing like the traditional school girl is getting more and more... I don't know, popular? But let's take a step back for a moment an examine this for what it is. Obvious ad taking the 'sex sells' idea too far, but then with closer examination they bring up some bigger points.

Underaged sex. Might just be me but the fishnets and the tartan skirt really scream out "Look at me, I'm a middle schooler in 2008!" Could be because I just graduated last year and with the middle school across the street I got to see the kinds of clothes kids wore every day. I also got to see how it got less and less, every day. They've put a grown up idea on a youthful model. Are they secretly trying to promote underaged sex? I'm not a prude but I do believe it is a special thing that needs to be taken seriously with the proper steps and precautions. That being said, preeeeetty sure her giving him head was a spur of the moment thing, considering it looks like they're stationed in a dark alley somewhere.

Good job, PUMA! You're disgusting!

Criminal #13: Stouffer's Skillet Sensations

2008-07-15T21:37:00.000-06:00

It's been ages baby, but I'm back and I'm just as infuriated as ever. What now, you ask? What could have possibly pissed me off now? Well, the hard truth of the matter is this: I work in a mall, worse than that, I have a job that involves the two main industries responsible for stereotypes as we know them (hello movies and music). As much as I'd like my first post after a long hiatus to be a huge rip into the company I work for, I think that would be a bad idea so I'll just say this: The amount of things I'm seeing on a daily basis that piss me off are phenomenal. The list is getting longer by the day.

Today's criminal is one that I happened to see numerous times the other day while I was home with the flu. Stouffer's Skillet Sensations. What's wrong with a fast, easy, and healthy meal you ask? I'm sure the meal is fine, it's the latest advertising ploy that's making me sick.

The Hunt for the Sensational Husband Challenge

Okay, sure, I'm all for trying to hunt sensational husbands down, get them to stop hiding and whatnot, but I think, I think they may have gone about it the wrong way. Unfortunately I couldn't find a clip of the commercial so bare with me. Essentially the commerical is suggesting that A) Husbands never cook and/or need to be persuaded into doing it B) Cooking dinner once makes you a sensational husband and C) Men are too dumb to handle anything that isn't prepackaged and ready to be tossed in a pan. (See guys, I'm standing up for you here!)

Visit the site http://www.skilletsensations.ca/en/men/ to take a look at the contest. It's very straight forward, every six weeks Stouffer's will send a postcard to your home, inviting the man of the house to make dinner (right after he finishes his ice cold martini and you get his slippers for him). Bla, bla, bla, you win prizes, yadda, yadda, trip for two to Australia. Sure, it sounds appealing, but what are the undertones of the commerical saying?

Cooking is a womans job normally. Men need things prepackaged. Women and men alike should be amazed and consider him to be sensational for doing a task that really ought to be shared in the house anyways.

Sorry, we fought for equal rights for how many years and people still believe a womans place is in the kitchen? I don't think so. And what about single fathers, do they order out every night or do their children just starve or is it even remotely possible that they *gasp* have cooking skills and are capable of feeding their children every night?

It's a subtle commentary on our society today. No matter how modern we consider ourselves, commercials like this keep pulling us back with the simplest suggestions. Here's a challenge for you, Stouffer's: Visit a real home where both parents are working nine to five monday through friday. Visit a real home where man and wife (wife and wife, man and man, wherever you live, whoever you love I dont care) work together as a team to take care of their children and put food on the table every night. I hope I find one of these commericals to post because it basically explains itself.

Stouffer's, you're on the list.

Reevaluation time

2008-03-31T21:39:00.000-06:00

It's a little difficult to present world-altering ideas when you're not willing to stick to them yourself and/or draw a sketchy line so you can dance back and forth on the topic, so here's my resolve: I know it's Buy and Die, but for my purpose, and this doesn't have to be yours, Buy and Die means Consume and Die. I want to focus as much on the food industry as I do fashion, entertainment, and life style related things. This is a matter of physical health, as well as the health of your bank account (yeah, you banks are just laughing it up, aren't you?) so just because you didn't buy the can of pepsi or coke or Micky D's doesn't mean you can consume it. And when I say you, I mean me. I mean, you as a participant would be wise to choose the same path, or else you'll just start finding little loop holes in my badly devised plan. And by 'you' I actually do mean you. You're only cheating yourself, amIright? I love putting those three words together. I feel so deliciously evil. Grammatically evil too.

Criminal #12: Coca Cola "VICTORY!"

2008-03-16T20:11:00.000-06:00

I have waited my whole life (okay, last two and a half years) for a chance to do this. Coca Cola. You SUCK. YOU, my friend, ARE ON NOTICE (Please don't sue me, Stephen T. Colbert) I know some people out there are a little stunned, I mean, Coke and Pepsi? I can't do that to a person. Oh, oh yeah, I can. I suppose the only thing stopping me from putting Coke as the #1 Evil Corporate Product was the fact that although I had some proof they were villains in the Corporate World, I didn't feel as if I had enough to back up my own personal hate of them.

Thus, my next thanks extends to Craig, my well-meaning, albeit giver of pain Physiotherapist. I was getting my back worked over, once again a few tuesday's ago when somehow Craig and I got onto the topic of Coca Cola. I mentioned, as I do to everyone who will listen, that I am 100% against Coke in every way possible,to which he replied, "Oh, you mean the water thing."

What water thing? It's been a couple years since I watched the Cola Wars (great documentary, everyone should see it) and if they made mention of "The Water Thing" I certainly didn't remember it, so he went on.

As it turns out, all across India communities are suffering water shortages. Why, you ask? Well quite simply, those communities that house, or are near Coca Cola bottling plants, are having their water siphoned from the ground by this Spawn of Satan Soft Drink (Thank you alliterations). To make matters worse (and lets remember, this is India, one of the last places on earth that needs to have these sorts of problems) tests have been done on ground water found well below the surface. Anyone want to guess what they discovered? Not only a strange taste and smell, but severe pollution to the ground water.

As it turns out, Coca Cola has been (or had been, I've yet to find an up-to-date article) dumping their sewage from the plants into rivers, streams, and fields around its plants. The soil and water has been polluted and signs were posted to warn people that the water they could find was unsafe for human consumption.

Now, I'm not particularly scientifically inclined but I seem to recall a day in biology where the teacher stressed the importance of water. Or maybe that was Coca Cola. I can't remember now.

For those of you that aren't impressed by the science aspect of it, let's look at something a little more personal. Now, I'm Canadian, and we're a mosaic country. People of all shapes and sizes and colours, living together as a united nation but still maintaining our own separate identities, and because I'm as white as the day is long I can't necessarily understand this as much as someone who lives in a country that isn't a mosaic (or even a melting pot), but hear me out.

Green tea, a staple in the Asian culture. They surround their most holy and sacred ceremonies around the art of preparing and consuming the drink. It is arguably the most identified part of Asia (apart from Manga and Sushi of course). So imagine for a moment, China or Japan without green tea. Hard to think about right? I'm mean sure, times are a-changin' ma, but some things always remain the same, don't they? Not if Coca Cola has it's way. That's right, everyones favorite teeth-rotting drink somehow snuck into the Asian market and guess what? It's winning. It's beating the tea so it's no longer green but more black and blue. Part of the Asian culture is disappearing more and more everyday because this grotesque organization is more concerned with the profits they're rolling in as opposed to the price of tradition.

The same thing goes for Russia, and Kvass (or Kvas, I'm finding different spellings of it). Go ahead, make your jokes about Vodka being the national drink, pretty soon you'll be making them about Coca Cola, because that's what's taking over. Kvas is nearly nonexistant now, and not because the elderly babooshkas are suffering from dementia, but because Coca Cola has once again snuck into a country a little down on its luck and promised the revive the economy with the simple introduction of a Coke machine on every corner.

So what else can I say about it? Let's hit North America, shall we? If you've gone to High School, or Middle School, and maybe even some elementary schools, you've seen them. That's right, the Coke or Pepsi machines (but never both of them together.) More and more these companies are trying to clean up their image by supporting the education of todays youth. All we hacve to do in return is pass by Pepsi machines (a la my high school) every day. There were 1, 2, 3, 4... Yup, four of them at good ol' Mount Boo, and you can guarantee that come Friday afternoon they were all empty. It was disturbing the way we bought into them because the drinks were inexpensive and gave us the quick energy we needed. God only knows what it must have done to our bodies.

So with Coke and Pepsi on the list, what are you going to drink? Try water, I've heard it's great. And if that doesn't suit you, ice tea crystals with soda water, very yummy. Just don't drink Coke.

#11 Nestle: "Sure it tastes good, but the guilt will make you lose 20 pounds!"

2008-02-24T14:14:00.000-07:00

Oh you all knew it was coming. It was inevitable that Nestle joined the ranks of the miserable s.o.bs that I refuse to support. However the question remains; which controversy will I aim at? Should it be the Ethiopian baby formula scandal (where some braniac in Nestle decided it would be a good idea to go into third world countries and tell nursing women that actually, they were better off if they used Nestle Baby Formula to nurse their babes instead of breast milk.) For those of you that aren't up-to-date with biology, it's through the mothers breast milk that infants get many of their antibodies, helping them survive. So by telling them not to nurse, basically they condemned thousands of infants to death. Meanwhile the water which was being used to milk said baby formula was, of course, dirty and generally unhealthy, so this led to thousands of gastrointestinal diseases in infants. Brilliant Nestle. Absolutely brilliant.

Ethiopia: -1 Nestle's Corrupt Board members: +3

Next lets take a look at a little thing we call child slave labor. You heard me right. That delicious chocolate that you like to enjoy (by the way North America, you do not need any more chocolate. Heart disease number one killer what?)
http://www.organicconsumers.org/fair_trade/slavechocolate060414.cfm

The UN estimates there are roughly 284,000 child slaves in West Africa, mostly along the ivory coast, harvesting those beans that make that delicious chocolate you like to enjoy. Feeling guilty yet? Probably not, I haven't built much of a case for it. Some argue that these children have jobs. Now they have money to buy food with. If that's what you're thinking, let me ask you this: Would you be alright with your four year old harvesting cacao beans for 1 cent an hour? If you answered yes then you probably shouldn't be allowed to have children.

Not convinced Nestle is evil yet? Well I'm sure you remember 2005 in Venezuela, yeah what was that? Approximately 500 pets died from what? Oh yeah, contaminated Purina food. Purina, a Nestle brand name. Apparently Nestle stored the food inappropriately which led to a high influx of food contaminated with the fungus containing aflatoxin.

If you aren't convinced yet, there's nothing I can do. Apparently you're just a heartless person. So go out there, poison your cat, support slave labor and while you're at it, make sure to buy some of that healthy baby formula. Mix it with the sewer water and feed it to your new born! If it's good enough for Ethiopia, it's got to be good enough for you, right?

#10: McDonalds "I'll love it if it pays to have my clogged arteries scraped"

2008-02-15T11:52:00.000-07:00

There's no doubt about it, McDonalds is a staple in any North American childhood. It's where you go if you want a quick meal (According to ads, also good place for "family time") while having the option to play in a pit of germ-covered plastic balls. It's where kids can get a meal and a toy, and most recently, it's where divorcee fathers take their kids every other Saturday because they can't think of anything else to do (Hi, Dad.)

My little sister loves McDonalds, at least she did last time I spoke to her. What's not to love? There are bright colours, friendly faces, a clown that would probably watch you in your sleep given the option, and of course, the healthy food. Oh, wait, that's right. There's supposed to be an 'un' prefix there. I meant to say UNhealthy.

I was watching the Colbert Report last night, as I do every night (Hi, Stephen Colbert!) and he did a spot on people destroying America, this time focusing an a woman who protested the use of McDonalds offering a free happy meal to kids who got good report cards. I'd heard a bit off an on about this, there are a few sites on the internet that show you these report cards and the happy-go-lucky clown on them, offering you up a slim moment of happiness for your excellent grades. (http://middledigit.net/wp-content/uploads/2007/12/advertising-report-card.jpg)

So what's wrong with this? A couple of things actually. 1) Rewarding your child with an unhealthy prize. I'm all for supporting kids if they do well in school, but don't take them to McDonalds. Take them to the book store, get them something to feed their little brain. Go to the circus, they can see a real clown, hell take them out for a shrimp tree, at least there won't be the off chance that their conusuming a small child from South Bangladash (that's right, it's people.) Your child is obviously young an impressionable, now is not the time to start rewarding good behaviour with bad gifts. If your child is doing so well in school, shouldn't you be expanding on that? Maybe teach them a thing or two about nutritional value. Speaking of which, here's a nifty way for them to understand!
http://www.calorie-count.com/calories/manufacturer/36.html

B- 1% Low Fat Chocolate Milk Jug - Beverages
B- 1% Low Fat Milk Jug - Beverages
B- 1% Lowfat Milk
D 1000 Island salad dressing
C Apple Bran Muffin
D Apple Danish
B- Apple Dippers
B- Apple Dippers with Low Fat Caramel Dip
Apple Juice
D Bacon Bits
A- Bacon Ranch Salad - (without chicken and dressing)
C Bacon Ranch Salad with Crispy Chicken
C+ Bacon Ranch Salad with Grilled Chicken
F Bacon, Egg & Cheese Biscuit - Breakfast
D+ Bacon, Egg & Cheese McGriddles - Breakfast
C+ Bagel
C- Baked Apple Pie
Barbeque Sauce - Chicken McNuggets Sauces
F Big Breakfast
D+ Big Mac - Sandwiches
D Big Mac All-Beef Hamburger Patty - (burger only, prepared with Grill Seasoning)
B- Big Mac Bun with sesame seeds
F Big Mac Sauce
D+ Big N' Tasty - Sandwiches
D+ Big N' Tasty with Cheese - Sandwiches
C- Biscuit - Breakfast
D Bleu Cheese dressing
B- Butter Garlic Croutons
D+ Butterfinger McFlurry - Desserts/Shakes - (12 fl oz cup)
A- Caesar Salad - (without chicken and dressing)
C+ Caesar Salad with Crispy Chicken
B- Caesar Salad with Grilled Chicken
B+ California Cobb Salad - (without chicken and dressing)
C California Cobb Salad with Crispy Chicken
C+ California Cobb Salad with Grilled Chicken
D Cheese Danish
D+ Cheeseburger - Sandwiches
C+ Chef Salad
Chicken Fajita
C- Chicken McGrill
D- Chicken McNuggets - (20 piece)
D Chicken McNuggets - (10 piece)
D Chicken McNuggets - (6 piece)
D Chicken McNuggets - (4 piece)
D Chicken McNuggets
Chicken McNuggets Sauces - Honey Mustard
Chicken McNuggets Sauces - Light Mayonnaise
D+ Chicken Selects Premium Breast Strips
C- Chocolate Chip Cookie - Desserts/Shakes
C- Chocolate Triple Thick Shake - Desserts/Shakes - (21 fl oz cup)
C- Chocolate Triple Thick Shake - Desserts/Shakes - (16 fl oz cup)
C- Chocolate Triple Thick Shake - Desserts/Shakes - (32 fl oz cup)
C- Chocolate Triple Thick Shake - Desserts/Shakes - (12 fl oz cup)
B- Chunky Chicken Salad
D Cinnamon Raisin Danish
D+ Cinnamon Roll
Coca-Cola Classic - (Super Size)
Coca-Cola Classic - (Small)
Coca-Cola Classic - (Large)
Coca-Cola Classic - (Medium)
Coca-Cola Classic - (Child)
Coffee - (Small)
Coffee - (Large)
Coffee - (Medium)
D+ Crispy Chicken
C- Crispy Chicken Bacon Ranch Salad - (without dressing)
C Crispy Chicken Caesar Salad - (without dressing)
C- Crispy Chicken California Cobb Salad - (without dressing)
Diet Coke - (Small)
Diet Coke - (Medium)
Diet Coke - (Super Size)
Diet Coke - (Large)
Diet Coke - (Child)
F Double Cheeseburger - Sandwiches
D Double Quarter Pounder with Cheese - Sandwiches

You don't have to be the star student of the third grade to see that there are a lot of D's and F's being handed out, and that's only the first page. Even the orange juice is only getting a C+. ORANGE JUICE. What's so difficult about it? You take an orange, you squeeze! Where can you lose the nutrition- oh, that's right, it's not real orange juice.
So nutritional value aside (or lack thereof) what are the other problems? Let's go back

to the young and impressionable idea for a moment. We don't need today's youth looking at this (see the report card) anymore than we need them looking at the Dolce Gabbana ad. Advertising is advertising no matter how you package it, and these children are just learning to understand what's around them and what certain things mean. Start them off early and they'll continue to think that it's normal for their lives to be covered in corporate stamps. McDonalds supports that, Disney supports this, Nike gives you shoes, Coca Cola gives you Christmas.

You have to catch kids early if you want them to grow up as active viewers (as opposed to the passive viewers that exist as they drool over their report cards). Don't get me wrong, there is a place for a corporate sponser, sports teams, areas, music events, but school is not one of them. Teachers have a hard enough time trying to get through to the Need-TV generation as it is, the last thing they need is to be competing with a giant like McDonalds. Kids need to be focused on what they're doing, and doing it for themselves, not because they get a Happy Meal out of the deal (which, incidently, would not have made me work any harder when I reached Middle and High School. So why isn't McDonalds hitting them up? It's not because we're too old, it's because we're just a little bit smarter than when we were in elementary school and buying us off isn't that easy.)

So what have we got? Rewarding children with things not nutritional, allowing young minds to become passive in their media viewing, and generally letting Corporate America roll over the school system. Need something else to convince you? Okay...

UM. Ha, okay... Maybe in some cultures it's normal to get it on with a sacrificial lamb before setting it on fire so the gods may receive it, but here in North America, generally sticking anything of your person inside of a sandwich other than, say, a finger to get out that slice of tomato you don't like, is frowned upon. I don't know who they have coming up with these slogans but I'd bet you anything that if we put them in a bad part of town for a night, they wouldn't be walking out in the morning. And look that that guys expression, it looks like he's actually considering sticking his penis inside the burger.

So that leaves me with one thought:

Wouldn't the cheese leave some serious burn marks?

Criminal #9: Slim Fast "Obviously you're too FAT. If you weren't so FAT then you would be happy, isn't that right FATTIE?"

2008-02-06T17:57:00.000-07:00

There's no denying it, many women (not all by any means, and of course this applies to men too) have self esteem problems. This comes directly from the media. Yeah, no shit, that's pretty obvious isn't it? when you have people like Eva Longoria and Beyonce' 'Look at my boobs' Knowles prowling the advertising world and struting they're over-plastered, make-uped faces, no wonder us gals feel less than attractive a lot of the time. Don't be fooled though. What you're seeing there isn't true beauty. What you're seeing is seven clever makeup artists and one digital editor who is having the time of his life putting his kid through college with this one job because Loreal and Maybe-she's-not-born-with-it-Maybellene are scared that their product isn't appealing to the normal woman. What better way to get it out there than by having the most A-Typical examples of beauty indorse your product in a 30 second spot. Yeah, that'll make me want to buy it. Tell me what deodorant Jane Goodall uses and maybe I'll think about it.

But I digress. Today's shameful example of trouncing on every womans selfesteem is none other than Slim Fast. That's right, those wonderful weightloss drinks available for fatties everywhere. Because that's what we all are, isn't it? Fat. Inside. Outside. Fat, fat, fat. Normally I wouldn't have an issue with these just because they make great morning breakfast drinks if you're on the go (or you sleep in like me) but the ads you see posted here are truly disturbing.

See, here are my issues with these ads. #1: One can only assume that the fiance did actually see the woman before he proposed to her, which means he was aware of at least her general weight, which means he fell in love with her as she was, not for who she's trying to become with excessive Slim Fast consumption. #2: One can only assume that if the fiance didn't like the womans weight he might comment on it before propsing to her and getting himself into a lifetime commitment. And #3: One can only assume, and I really hope this one is right, that if he did have a problem with her weight, she would punch him, pack up her stuff, and just for ironies sake eat his dog before leaving him. I put in the eating the dog thing because I think it would make a great visual. "Think I'm fat, huh? Guess how fat I'll be after I finish Skippers legs!"

What is it about our society that thinks the weight of a woman is so important. Okay, wait, lets establish right now that there's is a difference between being overweight and being your healthy natural weight. A person shouldn't confuse one for the other. That out of the way, let's got back to my original point. Society and it's refusal to acknowledge that a woman is beautiful no matter what her size. Granted, I'm pretty tiny, but so is my mom. It's my natural weight, and whoever told you that being thin was better than having some meat on your bones lied to you. I have lots of friends that are a little more on the hefty side (none of them, none of them are overweight though) and if I had a penny for every guy I have ever heard say he prefers a little more flesh to a girl I would have, I don't know, maybe 40, 50 bucks? And I would have no self esteem. But you know what? I do have selfesteem, because despite the fact that I went through middle and high school being called anorexic I am perfectly comfortable in my skin (and I am one of the least likely people to say that, because I look like the freaking bride of Frankenstein's monster will all the scars I've got.)

So I'm not sure where companies like Slim Fast get off telling a woman that on the most important day of her life, when everything should, and essentially does revolve around her, there is a chance she'll be too fat. Don't listen to a word they're telling you girls. The first step to happiness with your man isn't good sex, it isn't a perfect home, or a well paying job. It's you and your partner being comfortable with who you are. Love yourself, as you were made, with the genes you inherited (no one understands that one better than me), with as much booty or lacktherof that you've got. And guys, don't feel like you need the six pack or the bronzed skin. And if for an instant you think maybe your other half won't like you for just your personality remember, you fell in love with someone else too, not just the body. Because bodies fade, and all the Slim Fast in the world won't help those wrinkles when they start showing. so will you still love each other then? I bet you will (ignoring the divorce rate statistics.)

Criminal #8: Pepsi "..FINALLY!"

2008-02-03T18:06:00.000-07:00

Anyone who knows me particularly well knows I'm filled with nothing but contempt for two major thing sin the world: Coca-Cola and Pepsi (True winner is Clive Cussler but that's a different category altogether.) Those of you that haven't seen it yet, rent or buy The Cola Wars, it's a documentary that takes you through the lifelines of both Coke and Pepsi and the competitions that have taken place, and the war that continues to surge every day. As far as I've learned, most people seem to favor Coke over Pepsi, personally I think one tastes like my teeth rotting, and the other tastes like my brain melting, and I can't tell any greater difference than that.

Why don't I like them? Simple really, our North american culture has already been ravaged by the cola kings, but over the last (lets say 30, really thowing that number out there) 30 years the fingers of these ruthless corporations have been slipping into the many cultures of the world outside of North America. Why is this a problem? Again, very simple. Canada is a Mosaic of cultures. Immigrants can take comfort knowing that they can easily keep their traditions and life styles upon entering our country, likewise, the US is a melting pot, where eventually everyone melds together. There's nothing wrong with that really, it's simply the way it is. Because we exist that way, changes to the culture as a general (trends, ect) are bound to happen, you expect them.

But what about Japan? Granted, not the best example as they pretty much hoover up any latest trend, but think about how long Japan remained an independent civilization after the discovery of North America, think about how the gentle and romantic culture of the ronin and feudal lords existed and then, blam, fell the minute foreigners struck.

Not convinced? Okay, Kvass. Haven't heard of it? I'm not surprisd. It is a traditional Russian drink. Like Asia has its green tea, Russia has it's Kvass. Except now Russia doesn't have it's Kvass because Coca Cola and Pepsi thought it might be a nice idea to sneak in there and choke the Russian culture with their killer pops (incidently, a while ago Coke decided it was no longer selling 'carbonated beverages' but 'sparkling sodas' so the phrase that many associate with yummy carbonated fruit drinks now also applies to Coke). Russia isn't the only victim though, so is China and Japan, andi don't know about the US but in Canada you can't walk through a school or a mall without being blinded by the ads.

So why is Pepsi the only one I'm putting on the list today? Well, unfortunately I've yet to find any really offensive Coke advertising (they're the real evil if you ask me, Pepsi is the lesser, but still... evil enough.) Well, in case you didn't notice the pictures earlier (internets comes in braille now?) the items of clothing seen previously all have something in common. What's that? Oh, why that's just a Pepsi symbol? Your ass is a bilboard? Why yes, yes it is. What's wrong Pepsi? You tired of losing out to Coke, you have to make us spread your message of unhealthy bodies? Best of all, guess what the price range is for these items.

$25-$75

Yeah, so $1.50 for a can of Pepsi (or whatever the hell it is now) apparently isn't enough for the company, they need more... more! Feed me, lemmings. Feed me all night long.

Criminal #7 Lee Jeans "Is she even wearing denim?"

2008-01-31T14:54:00.000-07:00

Take a look at the following two pictures:

Now, obviously I've edited them, badly, to get out the logos. Fortunately for both of us the logos are the only, only identifying feature of the two ads. Without them, you have no way to know what's being advertised do you? To me the first one doesn't even make sense, what is that? Oil? Is her hair turning into oil? I'm all for insanely creative (possibly drug infused) images, but there's a limit. When you've got a young woman spreading herself out like that, (See Dolce and Gabbana) with such obvious sexual connotations, you have to wonder, what has that got to do with the product?

As for the second bilboard, that makes even less sense to me. On first glance I would assume they were advertising chupa chups or something, I mean she is sucking... Oh, I get it now. And what with her boob half hanging out like that, how could we have no seen it sooner? Our society is so obsessed with age. Older men chasing after girls half their age, women determined to smother themselves in this mask or that in hopes of taking away just a few of the old lines. Now we have ads with someone, probably my age, that's giving guys boners while they think "Holy shit, if I buy that product she'll do that to ME." Crude, I know, and true. Ad companies don't gtive guys enough credit as far as the brain department goes. Believe it or not, some of them actually do think with things other than their penises.

Curious as to who our big criminal is? Check it out

That's right, Lee jeans. Now tell me, did you at any point in time think to yourself "Wow, I want to go buy a pair of jeans because that's obviously what that bilboard and ad must be advertising."

I didn't. Of course the tempation to visit the nearest red light district in total secrecy did strike my fancy but I managed to supress it because I have this thing called integrity I choose not to compromise daily. Those don't even look like jeans. And you, girl with the oil hair, you have serious hemoglobin issues! Your pale skin is not a good thing! Your childish outift is just another attempt by a raging corporation to hide the line between child and adult, "I'm a big kid now" is it? At least pampers isn't selling condoms.

And in a more artistic view, look at the colours they use. The first one has very light colours, lots of white to show a persons innocence, lots of black to show the dark sort of side we all have, and then the red. Red is a sexual colour. Red is the colour of the satin sheets you lay out before a steamy night. Red, whether we like to admit it or not, has always been a sexual colour. Where is the red in the first picture? Think about where your eyes are being drawn?

And the second one, red finger nails, red lollypop, and a red belt all amongst darker shades of blue so they really 'pop' (that's not all that's about to pop, if you get my drift.) It's strange, but true, without realizing it those colours mean a lot to us. But that's all part of being passive viewers. We don't notice the colour, we only notice the message of the colour. "These girls are hot, and young, and if I buy or wear Lee jeans, they'll be hot and young with me."

Crinminal #6: Fayreform "You can't see the dinosaur because her boobs are in the way!"

2008-01-31T14:08:00.000-07:00

The quality is bad on this one. And when I say the qaulity is bad, I mean it's pretty tricky to read the writing... Oh, and the ad sucks. For those of you squinting, let me save you the effort. Alarming close to that womans left breast is the phrase "I bet you didn't notice the Tyrannasaurus Rex."

No, no you're right, I didn't because it was in a dark corner, barely visible in natural light. What's your point Mr. Advertiser? oh, oh I see, you're suggesting her boobs are so perky thanks to fayreform bras that I won't notice a tiny plastic dinosaur taking up 5% of the whole article.

Well, hate to break it to you but I did notice the dinosaur. You know why? Becuase you mentioned it was there, and immediately to me it became a game of Where's Waldo. Who gives a crap about her ultra-perky boobs when there's a dinosaur for me to find?

Really, I think this ad is pretty obvious (in other words I'm too tired to point out all the issues) Half naked woman wearing alarming stilhettos as she sits on a gold plated OH SHIT LADY LOOK OUT THERE'S A T-REX BY YOUR ANKLE. OH MY GOD. OH FUCK, SOMEONE HELP HER. JESUS CHRIST!

Whew, scared me there for a moment, it's just a toy. I'm sorry but to me this ad seems to go against the grain a bit. You bet we didn't notice the T-Rex, but we are now, and I've got to say, it could definately use a fayreform bra because it is flaaaaat.
Not only have they stuck a half nude model into an ad with a T-Rex, but look what she's surrounded by. Mirror, red satin curtains, zebra skin rug... Wait, zebras AND dinosaurs? Jesus, which palientologist are you using?

Okay, so just in case you haven't gotten my point by now... the dinosaur is a distraction. Of course in this case it's not a bad destraction because really, no one in their right mind would ( I hope) want to stare at a womans bountiful breasts while there is a dianosaur to be found. Thank you fayreform, for once you've given us an ad that works completely against you.

PS: This would have been a much better way to do the ad:

#5: Post-it Notes "Finally, something I use that I can not use."

2008-01-18T14:56:00.000-07:00

Well, we all knew it would come down to this eventually people. After dealing with D&G, Mastercard, banks, Axe the time has come to deal with a product that I personally use all the time.

Yes, Post-it notes. You stick them on your monitor, you write your grocery list on them. You stick them on the bathroom mirror so your partner wakes up and finds some cutesy little whatever waiting for them. *gag*

And yes, Post-it notes are on the list. Why? It's very simple. Not only does these piece of advertising suggest that men are insensitive jerks (guys be amazed, I'm defending you here) who are totally incapable of remembering the name of the girl they just slept with, and it's (once again) generally degrading to women, to suggest that they aren't important enough to require the memorizing of their name. No, no, why use up that precious brain capacity for things like names when you have Post-it notes?

Just out of curiosity, people who make Post-its: Have you ever used your own product before? Maybe tried sticking it to the forehead of your significant other before you drift off to sleep one night? Yeah, it's not going to be there in the morning. I hate to take this literally but when it comes right down to it, the product isnt that fantastic and the advertising is painfully straight forward.

Now, I may not be the nicest girl in the world. I'm bitter and cynical and yeah, I'm a feminist when it comes right down to it, but come on, give the male gender a little credit! As absent minded as they can be (in regards to things that the female gender may recall ((it works vice versa so don't think I'm attacking men)) they don't need Post-it notes that badly. What this ad is suggesting, when you get right down to it, is that relationships in this day and age have degraded into a state of total indifference, when you don't need 'together time' to get to know your partner. The relationship has broken down into a purely physical meeting and requires no emotional investment or time. After all, why waste a few precious minutes finding out she was named after Jane Bennett from Pride and Prejudice, or her favorite flower is a lily, or that she has a fear of grasshoppers? Personal information is useless, just slap a Post-it note on it and you'll never have to go through the awkward "Do you know what day it is?" schpeel.

Products like Post-it notes are out there to make your life easier, at least that's what they want you to believe. However we have to consider that perhaps in an effort to make life simpler, we're giving up on morals, and the power of relationships. Post-it would have you believe that it's too late for that now, we are in a new age after all. But I've got to say, it's never too late to ask her what she's afraid of and put some effort into memorizing it.

RBC: "What they don't tell you is that little Suzy is their leverage"

2008-01-15T16:08:00.001-07:00

i can only imagine moving from one country to a new one (and being able to speak the language fluently) is most challenging. why, I recently moved to a new province, got a job, and just today, had my first 'new bank experience.'

Let me sum it up for you:

Me: I'd like to start an account so you can keep my money safe for me while I got to school.

Them: Do you have ID?

Me: I have these *Ids spill from pockets, except the important and ever fabled drivers license*

Them: You need a drivers license or something with picture ID.

Me: I have these four school IDs from High School and middle school.

Them: No, those won't work.

Me: But-

Them: Do you have your Alberta Health Insurance Card?

Me: No, I just moved here. I have my Alberta Childrens Hospital Card.

Them: No, that won't work.

Me: But that card got me through four surgeries. YOU'RE not correcting my spine, are you?

Them: It has to be a Health Insurance Card.

Me: But... but surgery! It.. what... I hate you.

Them: And you're not going to school?

Me: No, I'm trying to SAVE for school.

Them: A school ID would work too.

Me: But I just told you I had-

Them: From a university or college.

Me: So my last 12 years of education meant nothing to you, is that what you're telling me?

Them: So, social insurance card, health insurance card, student ID, drivers license.

Me: Would this be going any more smoothly if I told you I was from Istanbul or Uzbekistan.

Them: So we'll see you Friday!

Me: you're giving me 48 hours to get a piece of Government ID?

Them: Your appointment is with Adele.

Me: Where's the Black Market around here?

Them: Just bring in your ID...

Me: *walks away*

That was fun, really it was. I'm so GLAD the nice couple immigrating to Canada had such an easy time setting up a new bank account. Meanwhile, I couldn't pay these people to take my money (irony) without the proper ID. Because, you know, I've only been Me for the last eighteen years of my life.

I could have picked any commerical in particular to use, in the end it would be the same thing. Banks give you the happy, doe-eyed experience on TV, but when you get in there to give them money, god help you if you don't follow protocol.

When you get right down to it, this is a matter of false advertising. You're leading me to believe that I will be welcomed into the family, lovingly taken care of while my every need is seen to. Hell, I can even start an RRSP and start saving for my retirement NOW.

But as long as I can drive.

Or prove I am who I say I am.

Because one Children's hospital card, one BC health insurance card, four school ids, one social insurance card, and one birth certificate don't count. You know, I might have forged them or something.

You can't exactly protest banks, they are, unfortunately important to our lifestyles so instead of not using them, I'm simply going to avoid them at all cost. And you know what else I'm going to do? I'm not going to spend any money on crappy products that I don't like so my money will slowly add up over the years, and slowly but surely I'll get more and more interest, and then one day BAM, I'll go to the nearest branch and take out every last penny I ever invested in your feckless corporation and hide it under my mattress.

And you know what else? I bet it'll be a lot safer there.

Criminal #3- Dolce & Gabbana "With that well-oiled body, it's a wonder he can even touch her"

2008-01-02T12:30:00.000-07:00

Now who wants to tell me what's wrong with this picture? I mean, apart from the fact that those guys look like Butterball turkeys (You're next., Christco!), and she's wearing stilettos that would make the Rockets cringe, and she's apparently drowned despite the fact that she isn't wet at all and her makeup is (what the advertisement world would consider) perfect, and that water you see in the background is probably half an inch deep max, and for someone drowning her back is awfully arched, oh, and of course the fact that she's probably going to be gang-raped the minute she shows any sign of life (of course I could be wrong, maybe signs of life don't matter to Butterball turkeys!)

Dolce & Gabbana, *sigh* I couldn't afford you then, I really don't want you now. Now, maybe I'm being a bit unfair, oh wait, no I'm not. Interesting piece of trivia, this specific piece of advertisement was declared illegal by Spain's Labours and Social Affairs ministry, stating that it was humiliating to women (you think?) and her position had nothing to do with the product.

Okay, thank you Spain's Labours and Social Affairs Ministry, but to be fair to D&G, what advertising for a major, high class, whatever-crap, clothing line has ever had anything to do with the product being sold? I'm not going to say none whatsoever, because you know that tomorrow I'll find something to dispute it.

Of course, that in no way justifies this piece of social bullshit. What the hell? Seriously. I'd like to know just what the creators of this ad were thinking? "Oh, let's give the suggestion that maybe she was drowning and the hot, abnormally greasy man was saving her when in reality the image we're trying to convey is that of an abnormally thing (but not greasy) woman about to get gang-raped." Because, if that was what they were trying to accomplish, they did it. Congratulations?

What's even more astonishing is that D&G actually criticized Spain for their complaints, calling them "...behind the times..." I'm sorry, as none-judgemental as I am, as openly as I have been raised, I don't think this is art. I'm disgusted that it counts as advertising. D&G obviously have very, um, unique? ideas of what makes something art. Yes, a cunningly placed nude can be art, a tree with a bush beside it can be art. A woman being pinned down by a greasy man while other equally greasy men look on? No, that's not art. That's actually (and here's the big shocker) what we in the human race call, every womans nightmare. There is nothing, nothing artistic about this piece of advertisement. There's nothing appropriate about it, nothing artistic, nothing that can justify that.

You know what I love most about this disturbing piece of advertisement? The guy on the far right is holding a glass of water... WHY? I don't understand? WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO TELL ME? For the life of me, I will never understand how people, how these major organizations that (for whatever reason) continue to be so pivotal in their respective areas. (Notes, not 'respected' area) So, D&G, you're on the list. More than that, so help me god if I ever see another advertisement like that I will write you such a scathing letter, it'll make my grade 11 letter to Coca-Cola look like a Cole Notes version of 'Pride and Prejudice'... Which, incidentally, is way ahead of the times.

Criminal #2- Mastercard "The Joy of Giving her a Concussion"

2007-11-23T20:33:00.001-07:00

So everyone finds those cutesy little Mastercard commericals funny right? 30 second spot: $15,000; Airtime, $10,000; Brainwashing, priceless. For all this and more there's Mastercard. Apparently this Holiday the unstable, overreactive female in YOUR life will be having a concussion because by using your little card of plastic you'll be getting her a new car. Fantabulous for you buddy, but maybe, just MAYBE you'll find that not all women cry, hyperventilate and then collapse on the ground... Oh wait, she's seizuring. What the commercial doesn't tell you!

Now, okay, I can see how this might thrill a woman to no end. I would be stoked to be getting a new car. But crying? Requiring a paperbag? FAINTING? No, I'm sorry, maybe I just come from a very stable home (ha ha...) but none of the women I know.. anywhere, would react like that. There would be screaming for joy, and probably lots of sex, possibly in the back seat of said new car, but I guess they couldn't show that on TV.

For some reason the stereotype of women being excessively emotional towards suprise material objects is still being reinforced, worst of all people buy into it. Now I'm not saying everyone who sees that commerical goes out to get a Mastercard does so with the intent on making a woman faint, that isn't the point of the commercial. It's the shock value (and physical humor) that draws people in. The problem is we're so desensitized to the images we see in the media that things like that brush off of us. It's being passive again, a no-no. Be active in your viewing, you'll start noticing that commericials, ads in magazines, bilboards, they're starting to look a little suspicious, right? Something not sitting right in your gut? That would be your brain, what it's doing in your gut I don't know, but at least it's not shoved up your butt anymore. Just a few more feet and it'll be back in your skull where it belongs, and maybe you'll see the media world around you for what it is: Liable.

Criminal #1- Axe Bodyspray

2007-11-22T10:48:00.001-07:00

Well, where do I begin? Let's assume for a moment that I buy Axe on a regular basis. Obviously I don't being A) a girl and B) completely and totally sane.

So a young woman and her grandmother are strolling through the supermarket when suddenly... what's that? The young woman gets a whiff of a heavenly odor! Can it be? It can't... Yes! Corrosive chemicals combined together in aerosol form! How delightful! Tossing her grandmother aside the young woman, what is she doing? Strolling? Ambling? Oh, no, sorry, that would be a burlesque routine right there. Well anyways, she begins to flaunt, and shake, and otherwise bring shame to her grandmother that probably spent her youth fighting for the right to vote.

Now someone tell me, am I the only person in the world that doesn't find Axe at all appealing? Maybe it's because in high school some kids thought it would be funny to spray it in the hallways and watch as asthmatic kids were forced to walk through it. Maybe it's because I think it generally smells disgusting.

Or maybe it's because the angry feminist in me is totally disgusted by the idea of a woman doing whatver sort of dance THAT was in front of a kid just because he smells like chemicals. Meanwhile grandma's nursing a broken hip and women's rights have just fallen back about thirty-four years.

Have the makers of Axe even spoken to a woman? I get that maybe some of them find it funny, okay, on first glance I would think making an ass out of myself in public would be funny too... Oh wait, no I wouldn't, because it's not. It's ridiculous.

Congratulations Axe, if I ever thought of buying your product (don't worry, I didn't) now I won't because you are the first on the list of Buy and Die. I say that, of course, assuming that nothing about your product is safe and it's probably eating away at that young mans lungs as he watches raging-hormone girl dance around. Better get your inhaler, Billy!

Welcome

2007-11-22T09:45:00.000-07:00

Welcome readers (Of who right now I'm sure only consist of the three friends I'm going to send this too once I'm finished)

This is an idea that's been forming in the back of my skull for a while ever since completing a Media and Current Events class offered to me in high school. There we learned about the media, the manipulation tactics used by corporations in order to get unsuspecting people (passive viewers) to buy into whatever product was being thrown in their faces.

Now that I've graduated I've thought about it a lot more. What am I watching? How do the commercials make me feel? What is that billboard really saying to me? Am I being influenced by it or am I going to fight it?

Culture jamming is illegal. It's defacing property, that's apparently frowned upon. Well, I'm too young (and not quite cunning enough I'm afraid) to risk going around and defacing posters and advertisements, but there is something else I can do.

Enter Buy and Die: A Year of Protest.

It's very simple, any commerical, and advertisement, anything that just doesn't sit right with me is going to go here, followed by my own reasoning behind why I don't like it. Sure, you think, but what's that going to accomplish? Not a damn thing, except by making a note of the crummy advertisments in the world, I'm going to put a halt to buying those products. Shampoo commerical a little too racey? I'll try a new brand. Those cars suggest a minority can't drive? I won't be investing in one of them (...Okay, I won't be buying a car anyways, but you get my point!)

So I'm offering to anyone who might stumble across this blog, join me. Start being active viewers, pay attention to what you see every day. More importantly, be picky about it, if you don't like the smallest detail then that counts, put it on the list. This is an experiment of sorts, wht can we live without and what do we consider to valuable give up? Consider the consequences, is our own freedom to make our own choices a good enough price to pay if you have to have that product (even when the commerical stereotypes a certain type of person?) This is about taking stock in what you value in life, at the end of a year you should have not only saved money but hopefully be a little more aware of what is around you.

And for the record, yes, I'm perfectly aware that the arguements to follow will be petty, and at times even dumb. That's the point. I don't have to have a reason to hate a certain advertisement, but for the sake of people that like to debate, I'm going to try and find reasons.

So, let me sum it up:
Advertisements, commercials, all these ideas being thrown at you. Start to look at them. Really look at them and realize what is being shown to you. Then protest, don't buy that product for one year, can you do it? I bet you can. It'll be tough but I'll be there right along side you bitching and protesting the whole way. In the end your only reward might be the fact that you saved a bit of money, or maybe you feel a bit more active in your viewing. Those are both reasons alone to do it. So start paying attention folks, corporations everywhere are manipulating us and we don't even realize it. It's time to fight back.